Wow. What a day. Last night was really strange, I tell you. After coming back from trying to do homework at the library, I tried to continue working on my homework due at 10 AM this morning. I also had to prepare myself for Good Friday worship service: make the set list, think about what to focus on, etc.

Anyhow, what ended up happening was, I started thinking, maybe I should just not do my homework since we're allowed 2 late homeworks. That way, I'd be able to focus on the prep time. That's when the weirdness began. I started to get a little tired, and I also went over to Jimmy's room to ask him for his opnion on what I should do: homework, or prep? Upon hearing his reply, for some reason it really infuraited me. "Do what ever you want, but don't come to me to justify whatever you do" was sort of the gist of it. Now, I know he didn't mean any harm with it, since he really wasn't paying attention. But for some strange reason, this wave of anger and judgement washed over me and I started to think all these scathing, judgemental thoughts of Jimmy. I decided to do my homework instead, since it seemed the more obedient thing to do, but i couldn't focus on what I was doing; those angry thoughts kept creeping in. So, I decided to take a shower to just relax and take a big time out. Something was up.

Somehow, upon looking back on it, it seemed to be some sort of spiritual attack mixed in with my natural sinful tendency to judge. The suddeness of the anger (when I was perfectly fine the minute before), the big temptation to entertain and dwell in those thoughts, and their distracting effect from my studies seem to all point to marks of spiritual attack: malice, pride, and distraction. I started to pray immediately about asking God to protect my mind, and I started to counter all the feelings and thoughts with the Truth of Christ's sovereignty over my them. I think that hepled a lot; it was still there, but they weren't as bad.

Weird. Anyhow, I ended up falling asleep at around 3-4 AM and not getting the homework done. Furthermore, my alarm went off at 7:00, but I ended up hitting snooze until 11:30. I just couldn't get up; the exhaustion was so overpowering.

Well, long story short, after I woke up, I prepared the rest of the setlist, went to class, came back, practiced, and went to church with Scott Burkholder (great guy at my church!). Worship turned out to be really amazing, and we were all really blessed by it. What do I mean? Well, the time of singing songs together was very emotionally charged and responsive; we focused on praising God for sending Christ to die for our sins (especially since it's Good Friday), and simply praising Him.

Funny, how those times are the times in which I feel the best... the exhilaration I get from other means can never match how I feel at those moments of praise.

Well, it's time to sleep. Thanks for reading.

Today is Good Friday.

If you read the quote to the side, well, today celebrates what makes it possible.

Add a comment (click below!) about how you'll be spending this day...

God bless!

Hey. New Feature, everyone. If you look at the end of every entry, you will see a link that refers to "Comments." If you click on it, you can leave your personal comments on the entry, shout outs, or anything else you'd like to say; you can also see others' comments.

Enjoy!

Since 4:00, I've basically reverted to my natural self... the lazy, whimsical, and unfocused individual. I've just been drifting around all day (for 7 hours!)... fiddling with the guitar, talking to people online, cooking dinner, giving guitar lesson, then coming here to the library to study. Of course, I didn't get any studying done. I've been socializing with people I've not had the chance to talk to in a while, so that's good. However, when I sat down to study, my mind was abuzz and I just could not sit still. It happens a lot and I think it's a sign that I'm not really in a good environment to study.

No wonder my productivity schedule has always been focused on those last minute cram sessions. Lack of discipline has always been a weakness of mine that I have yet to conquer, but I know it's something God has been calling me to and enabling me to battle.

On the topic of God, a struggle I've been having recently is the timeless battle of applying what I read and digest from the Word to my life... the question of how I can get my heart and soul to grasp what I know in my mind. This subject came up in a recent conversation with Amanda from Wellesley, and it's interesting how she brought it up at a time in which I've been thinking about what it really means to worship lifestyle. I've been studying Ecclesiastes, and I'm again brought to that place that I often get to in my walk... how do I heed the instruction of the Teacher? "The conclusion when all has been heard is to fear God and keep His commandments," the recurring theme of the purpose of man: to enjoy the gifts of God and to enjoy worshipping Him, the warning to "let your words be few" as you approach God. How can I really live this out? It sure takes a lot of discipline...

More on this later. Time to go home and sleep.

Phew! PDE exam is over. I think it went ok, considering I was so in the dark just a few days ago.

Anyhow, when should I plug my computer back in? Do I dare to? Can I start using it again without the worry of it sucking my time away?

Maybe not yet. I think this weaning process is still not finished yet... and in case you're wondering, I'm typing this from the library.

So, I got an email from Carnegie Mellon saying they sent the notification letter for my application.

Looks like I'm not going to CMU for grad school.

Unless, of course, I can pay for it myself.

Oh well. At any rate, I reap what I sow, eh? It's good. This whole application process has been a good crucible for me; I've really seen firsthand the effects of character faults and laziness and whatnot instead of knowing about that they are. So, I think college definitely in that aspect has been a really rewarding time for me; I definitely don't regret coming here to Hopkins, regardless of all the bad stories and rumors that always mill about it. There is some truth to them (the competition, the sometimes oppressive academic atmosphere, the extremely sheltered environment) but the relationships God's led me to, the academic and experiential training, learning what church and ministry is really about, and overall the nonstop lessons on humility have all proved to show that God really does work for the good of those who love Him.

Wow. It's already almost over.

This entry is my 3rd attempt today, since all other attempts were thwarted by slow and bad library computers.

So, yesterday after Jimmy Choi polished off his 50th wing at Bill Bateman's, we returned and hung out at our place. After some time, he started jamming on my guitar... and yes, one thing led to another, and we started to record some more songs. 2 were instrumentals that I recorded to MD, but unfortunately I erased them by accident later that night. We then recorded "So We Come," complete with an overdub guitar solo. it was great.

Anyhow, class today was uneventful and I ended up either studying at the library (which I will be doing again soon) and going to office hours.

It's still a struggle for me to get myself working at times, but God is always "providing a way out so that I can stand up to" the temptation of laziness. It's pretty interesting how He does it... like, today, I took a nap, which I was ok. Earlier on, I was praying that He'd help me study more efficiently, but when it was time wake from the power nap, I of course didn't want to wake up. I napped for an extra hour, even though my alarm kept going off every 20 minutes. My reasoning kept getting worse and worse (I need more sleep, I'll study better later because it'll be more efficient, etc.) until finally, the alarm in our fire escape went off. Yeah, I couldn't turn that off, and that's when I realized, "Argh. I have no reason to be sleeping so much." Well, God sure provided a way out, regardless of how I felt, and it was definitely for my good.

Thanks God. Yet again, You've shown how you answer prayer when I least expect You to, but always when I really need it.

Ok, off to the library now to resume studying for the P.D.E midterm tomorrow.

I'm sitting in the basement of Barton Hall as I type this entry. For those of you who don't or didn't go to JHU, Barton is the Electrical Engineering building here at Hopkins. I was supposed to meet a professor with my group for one of my classes, but since we were early, we went to this building since they all work here.

Once again, I have to reiterate how much work I have to do. Why? Well, I guess it'll keep me accountable to actually doing it:
Partial Differential Equations homework and midterm both on Wednesday, Dynamic Systems homework due Friday.

That first class I mentioned is a beast of a class... man. Please think twice before ever taking it.

Yahoo. We go now. Later.

Wow, so it's already the day after my 22nd birthday, and now I'm back at school. Jimmy Choi's on break and has been hanging out here since last night, and we're going to Bill Bateman's for dinner today.

Um, not much else to say for now... just really tired and that I did get some work done since that last entry. It's going be my battle for the rest of the semester...