As soon as I woke up yesterday morning I went to lunch with Dr. Okamura. We ate at Gertrude's, the restaurant at the Baltimore Museum of Art. It was ok, I got a salmon steak with slasa fresca and garlic spinach. I decided to go for healthy, eh?

I then spent all afternoon at the digital media center working on my intermedia studio project... kinda tiring.

After preparing for Friday, I tried to get at least some of my Dynamic Systems homework done, but it's just a lost cause... I'm going to get such a bad grade in this class.... arg. Friday night was cool, Deacon David Lee spoke on dating. Shrek (Eric Ahn) was especially attentive, which I found to be quite amusing. It was really cool to hear about Dave's experiences with his wife Susan... how they met, how he asked her out, married life, etc. We then hung out afterwards, until worship practice started at 9:30. It was tonight because a Korean praise ministry from Texas called "Singspiration" is rehearsing all day and performing in the evening.

Today, I get to help set up the stage and sound for the Roots Concert... I'm excited. Something interesting for you Wellesley peeps... I was talking with one of the sound guys, and he was telling me how it was the same production company as the one producing the Sugar Ray/MagCho concert at Wellesley today. Cool, huh? Later today I'll go back to watch the sound check, then get dinner, then go to the show... hot hot myoozik... the hot myoozik!

Another cool thing, my mom got back from Korea yesterday, quite safely, I might add. She went to pitch a book she wrote to publishers, and to meet up with old friends. Seems like she had a good time. This Sunday is my parents' 29th wedding anniversary. CRAZY! I can't believe it's already almost been thirty years for them... over half of their lives spent with each other. Wow.

From reading his posts, Jacob's been having weird dreams lately, and it made me realize... I haven't really had any vivid dreams in a very long time. Why is that? Maybe it's lack of sleep? I don't know.

Right after the last post, I studied for about half an hour... and nodded off, though I was fighting not to. I guess I didn't fight hard enough, since I got up 2 hours later.

I don't get it... why was I so tired? I think I've been malnourished... I've been eating very poorly the last couple of days. But, God provides...

After studying till about 1, I went upstairs and ran into Sukyeon (now Nathan, since he just got his citizenship)... next thing I know, we're in his car on the way to U Jung for a laaate dinner. It was good, I haven't had some good healthy Korean food in a while. Bist.

So, here I am at HAC, about to resume my homework. It's 3 AM. Yay.

Praying over the past few days, an interesting memory hit me. At a pre-frosh picnic 2 Sundays ago, I was giving advice to this high school senior about dealing with guilt and failure by learning how to preach the Gospel to oneself, and how to explore it in its objective truth.

Little did I know that I was about to plunge into another pit of guilt and of depression. It's funny how whenever I give advice, I find it immediately being put to the test in my personal life... God, you sure keep your children accountable. Now that I'm in the Rutgers program, I should feel a little more secure about my future, but I don't. But, I know that I have to learn how to fight my emotions, to be more steeled in my will... it's shaming to admit that I'm a passive person, but what does the Gospel say? Shall I fear my emotions? Shall I fear my faults in character? Shall I fear condemnation? Or, shall I fear the God that forgives? the God that saves? the God that empowers? the God that loves?

Whom shall I fear?

Today I will attend the meeting for the Roots Concert setup crew. Woohoo!

That means:

1 Free ticket into the show.
I get to listen to the Roots sound check.
Preferred 'standing room' during the show.

Awwz yeah.

But in the meantime, I must study my butt off. There's a lot of work to be done and not much time to do it.

Today I had a good study on the first 8 verses of Romans 6.

Maybe some of my problems in concentration is due to my poor diet of late. Yeah, that's gotta be it...

Last night I finished the bible study chapter for this morning's small group. It was pretty fitting for what I've been going through recently (see below); I think one of the best suggestions it had was to go through Romans 6. Understanding that one is forgiven for sins is one thing... living life in freedom from sin's grasp is another.

I know there's a lot of things that I have problems with, but God's surely working on them.

One thing I noticed that I have to deal with is to cut off my over-dependence upon relationships for emotional support. It doesn't mean that I want to be a loner now, but God's been showing me how I tend to go to people first with my problems or if I'm feeling lonely, rather than spending time with Him first...

Anyhow, tonight is going to be a busy night of studying. I'm skipping out on hanging out tonight with Jimmy Su, G, and Jolene at Joe's Crab Shack down at Gaithersburg, MD, in order to get work done. I have a feeling that Jimmy's not too happy about that... "you better get work done within those 3-4 hours." He meant it. Sorry Jimmy. I guess I have have to suck up the consequences for my procastination. Spring Fair's this weekend, and I may not really go there to have fun... yeah yeah, it's my senior year, but I am so back logged with work that I need all the time I can get to catch up. I've been waiting for this Saturday's Roots Concert all year, but I may not even end up going...

God, am I just looking at my situation in the wrong light? Am I dealing with things in the wrong way? Give me a better perspective on this...

What do you do when it feels like your entire consciousness is within the confines of a relentless vise, restricting you from performing any constructive duty?

Do you pray? Do you sleep?

Every time I sit down to do homework for the past couple of weeks, that's my experience. I've prayed. I've tried to preach the Gospel to myself. I've proclaimed the Truth of Christ's Sovereignty.

Why is my heart and my mind so slow on the uptake? Why can't I get it? It's a frustrating cycle: I try to do work, get distracted or can't sit still, I end up not getting assignments done, I get frustrated, I try to do work, my frustration distracts me, I can't do the backed up work on top of the current assignment. Once again, I've shut off my computer at home to keep myself from wasting time at home. Once again, I've been trying to limit social outings for the week so that I can focus on studying. Once again, I end up moping around the library instead of fighting my emotions. It's times like now that show me how weak I can be. It's times like these that show me that I don't have any power within me to resist my body.

Then, God, where is Your Strength? Why am I still caught in this cycle? Why is it still so difficult for my heart and soul to grasp and be motivated by Your Grace?

What a weekend. Yesterday I came back to my apartment at 3:40 to get a book , and ended up in Philadelphia 3 hours later. That's right, Phily... Jimmy convinced me to go with him to support Adoremus at the UPenn Full Measure concert. It was cool, I met up with some people that I had not seen since I moved from Philly. As well, I met this guy that went to my church waaaaaaaaay back in grade school. He was a lot taller than me, but he looks exactly as that same kid I remember playing with.

The concert was good! Good job FM. Afterwards Jimmy Choi, Jimmy Su, Paul Han, Ajin Tae, and I ate cheese steaks at Pat's Steaks... so good. We then headed back to Jimmy Choi's and slept over, then woke up and went straight back to good ol' Bawl'mo.

Wow, it's already been a full day since Jimmy and I left for Philly. Time to really get cracking on assignments... later.

I stayed up till 5:30 AM editing the concert audio. It seemed like the minute I fell asleep, I had to wake up to go to church... I was falling asleep the whole day at church. As soon as I got back at 1:00 PM, I conked out until Jimmy woke me up. I'm not @ HAC to focus on doing work; I'm with Scott and James Lieu, we're keeping each other accountable to do our work. So tired.

So tired.

Such a long day.

Worship practice, then setup for Adoremus concert, then Adoremus concert, then cleanup, now editing the audio. The recordings turned out really well... especially my favorite song of the evening, "Hallelujah."

Ok, back to work.