Tonight, Jimmy and I went over to Yogi's to hang out with some Hope Chapel People again. We watched "Not Another Teen Movie." Shocked, confused, amused, and revolted, after the first half hour we couldn't take it anymore. Unfortunately, we decided to watch "Mystery Men" instead. I personally like the movie but it's a very subtle humor that many people (namely, girls) don't connect with... sortuva campy, dry, geeky humor. So, after about halfway through we finally mustered the strength to eject it and put back in "Not Another Teen Movie."

The last half wasn't as raunchy, which was ok. But overall, it was just plain bad. I hope never to see it again, or any movie of such nature. What's the "redeeming" quality? That it made me laugh?

How can humor be a justifiable reason to watch it?

But alas. My actions betray me. I watched and found it very funny at points

Today I stubbed my toe in Jimmy's room. It left a big, bleeding gash... doh. The funny thing was, I was on my way to get a bible commentary, and when it happened, I yelled, "AUgh! Dangit!" Of course, James Lieu was over and all he heard was a thud and my yelp.

Stop laughing, buddy.

God, please answer these questions.

Am I all wrong? Why do I always feel so guilty? Why do I always feel llike I'm not where I'm supposed to be? What is this undercurrent of restlessness and discontent about myself?

And if the problem is that I'm too me-centered, how do I become genuinely God-centered?

On romantic relationships, and to those like me who aren't in one.

A lot of theorizing and idealizing gets you no where if you're not building up whatever current relationships you are in, friendship or not.

God is soveriegn and will lead you into a relationship when He does. If you're not in one now, stay content and continue to build up your skills in conflict resolution, communication, and generosity.

"Why is it that every girl I've been interested in has either not shared the same interest in me or not been interested in entering a relationship of any sort? What is wrong with me? Is it that I'm so immature, that I can't manage my time or prioritize wisely? What is that overall unattractive quality about me? Insecurity?"

Really, that's what I feel constantly, but I try to fight those feelings. God's working on me, and He's guiding me... Those were all self-centered thoughts, and that's why they're not to be dwelt upon.

Every person and every couple is different. We all come together in different ways, and that's why I think it's impossible to set generalize-able hardand fast rules of dating. What matters is prayerfulness, honesty of character, and a God-ward focus in life. If you really practice those things, the Holy Spirit's wisdom will guide you fully and sufficiently to deal with any feelings you have with someone.

Lord, help me to deal with these feelings that still rage so strongly with in me. Give your wisdom, Lord... give me your peace...

The last post is long. You don't have to read it. It is more for me than for you.

And so arise questions about this online journal. Is this journal a nexus of narcissism? Is it a celebration of self? Honestly, I am not sure. I do know that people who read this site read it to catch up on me, to see what I'm going through... and for those of you that do, thanks a lot. That means a lot ot me.

However, to be honest, I started to write in this page because I really wanted to keep a journal. I didn't develop this site out of the recent fad of weblogging, because I've intended and actually tried to start something like this ever since freshman year of college.

Again, more problems arise... what happens to my privacy? What happens to my inhibitions and fears of losing who I am if people read my innermost thoughts and experiences...?

I really don't know the answers to these questions.

A lot has happened in the past two days, but I will write about 2 things: the opening midnight viewing of Star Wars, and the long karaoke run with Hope Chapel.

5/15/2002

I was actually reluctant when friend of mine asked me to go see Star Wars. People like Jyco expressed concern for me because I am usually an avid fan. No, I wasn't ill, and I wasn't in a bad mood. It just didn't excite me anymore. I was busy doing laundry and starting my packing process, and I thought it'd be good to have some conencentrated solitude with God. But, I decided to go.

We got to the theater at around 8:30. That was the earliest I've ever been to a movie theater to wait in line, and I'm hoping that I will never again resort to doing so. Besides Cyrus & Daniel, only a few other college students and a bearded, potbellied, Star Wars-shirt-wearing thirtysomething stood in line. Conversation was sparse.

The employees let us into the theater at 9:00. After we saved our seats, some of us sat in the brighter lit areas to read. I found it a difficult to concentrate because of the atmosphere, so I started to convrse with others in our group. Surprisingly, people didn't begin to trickle in until around 10:15. The first and only group of costumed fans didn't even enter until 10:30. Nonetheless, by 11 pm the main part of the theater was reasonably filled, and the room was abuzz with impatient chatter. Even though the theater had 4 screens showing the movie, I'd have to admit that there were a lot of people in ours... this movie was big.

As for the movie itself, I'd have to say that it was the stuff that Star Wars fans dream of. I won't give any spoilers, but it definitely had a lot of subtle hints and nuances that only a Star Wars nerd like I could appreciate. In no way do I say this in an elite-ist manner; au contrair, it shows how much time I spent watching the movies, reading the books, etc. It was a very fun movie, and I liked it a lot more than the Phantom Menace. However, once again my fears were confirmed. If you've seen Star Wars and Episode One and compare them to the Empire Strikes Bad and The Return of the Jedi, you will notice a slight difference in the levels of acting. Namely, the first two mentioned had the worse line readings and direction... and, they were the ones directed by Lucas himself. Well, walking into this movie, I feared that the same problem would plague this movie, and it did. Lucas is a genius in filmmaking but definitely not in directing people. It wasn't bad enough to take way the joy from the movie, though. It was fun and it definitely had its moments, I'd have to admit.

5/16/2002

Tonight Hope Chapel people rented out two karaoke rooms.

The horror, the hilarity... the horror. As my first evening of karaoke dragged on, I tried to enjoy myself by singing some songs I knew. To some degree, I did have some fun, but something kept bothering me. Some of the songs we sang were of such deep meaning and whatnot, but they were being butchered and sung for shallow entertainment... and I think it really took away from the songs. For example, singing "Zombie" by The Cranberries did NOT work... lyrics wailing anger concerning the violence in Ireland did not fit the atmosphere at all.

The only thing that made the night redeemable was James Lieu's R&B skills... he sure made the night fun.

I have a lot to say about the subject, but I'm too tired.

Brief Rundown of the day:
Best Buy/CompUSA/Guitar Center.
Errands.
Cleaned Room.
Yogi's Potluck.
Watched Spiderman.

Hey, please read Jacob Lee's Blogs. They're really good. Sometimes it scares me about how similarly we think... we've been comparing ourselves to each other since I first met him.

Yes. Mystery in a relationship... that's key. Do you know why? Think about it... the most important Relationship we can have will always be filled with mystery. Why else would we have to spend eternity to explore God in all His riches and splendors? Why else is His supplying of Christ such a resonating Truth? Mystery causes us to desire, explore, create... it pushes us to live.
Once we have this Relationship, it sets the tone for the rest of our relationships. It teaches that God has that same mysterious relationship with all of His children, and that adds mystery to what is happening in their lives.
I hope though, that you don't think I'm just extolling this mystic quality called mystery. It's not a quality... if you want to know what mystery is, read Colossians. The Mystery of Christ... something to ponder upon.

Note: this blog isn't really well thought out nor organized, please excuse me. One point I just want to ultimately get out is that everything that's involved with knowing Christ is a mystery, and that's what makes knowing Him so exciting... because we can never fully know Him in all His sovereignty, but at the same time we can fully know Him to our current capacity. And, that capacity will keep increasing to infinity...

It is finished! Ajin has shaved his head. He is well on his way to becoming the next G....

Wow.

I'm done.

8 semesters of college.

Ok, I didn't finish off so well. I struggled to hand in homeworks... or even do them in time, and the final exam for Partial Differential Equations... horrible. But, it's over. It's over.

8 semesters ago, I came bright-eyed, praying to God that He'd use me for His Purpose.

Wow.