A Ton of Bricks

In the earlier part of this week, I was really starting to get into preparation for both the praise night and for giving the message to the youth group on Sunday. There some really key mental connections that I made one night, and I was starting to get excited.

The next day, my video card came. I spent all day waiting for it, and in the meantime I played with the Marshall stack and my effects pedal. Oh, but when the card came, for the past two days, most of my time has been spent fiddling with my computer. Looking back, 50 percent of the time was very unnecessary, and now I am missing my valuable emails from the past half year, all the important dates and contact information.

So it hit me like the title of this entry: I fell headlong into idolatry again this week, and now all the time I was going to spend in preparation, and all the time I have to spend recollecting contact information is wasted.

Oh, what a shame. But there's no use in dwelling in it.

I'm just humiliated :-)

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

I lost all my contact info.

I reformatted my hard drive, so I backed it all up to my other hard drive.

I guess it didn't back up my outlook file, because it's all gone.

*boiling*

"A Day With Amanda!"

Today, Amanda from Wellesley drove down here from Pennsylvania to hang out. It was good to see yet another good friend from college :-)

After showing her my apartment, we went searching for a part I needed (an S-video to composite converter) in order to hook up my video card to my TV. We headed to Circuit City first, but they didn't have it. They suggested we go to the Radio Shack down the street, but as we drove, it wasn't to be found! So, 1we decided to go eat in New Brunswick. We found parking and walked down the main street, and decided upon this pizza parlor. As we sat near the window to look out, lo and behold, a Radio Shack was right across the street! I rejoiced.

The pizza was good, but eh.... at the same time. The downfall was that we ordered to have some garlic on it, but they used a really strong garlic with WAY too much salt, so it was a little much to handle. However, we had good conversation, though I tended to ratlle off a bit. I only really do that when I'm in good company, though, and Amanda's really cool. I think since we share the same sentiment that all relationships, be it friends or more or whatnot, should be meaningful, vulnerable, and honest, we've always hit it off really well. A great friend to have.

Oh, so yeah, we go into Radio Shack, and this guy walks up to us and starts relishing in this one song that was blaring in one of the radioes. It was a little weird, I have to say. He went on about how great the song was and how we should have been getting into it. Then, after I found the part and was in the process of buying it, he started to converse the clerk, from across the store, about how loud that stereo was and all of its virtues. Very weird. The thing that bugged me was that the TINY little adapter cost TWENTY DOLLARS.

Ridiculous, but hey, I needed the part. Oh well.

Afterwards we drove back, and, barely containing my excitement, I hooked up the video card to the TV. Voila, it worked without a hitch! So, to test it out, we watched a movie that was on the shelf (Suicide Kings) using my computer. It was definitely a lot better image and sound quality than the cheap Samsung player, I tell ya. Oh, and we could now navigate the menus, since we didn't have the DVD remote.

After the movie, I couldn't believe that the day had passed so soon. Oh well. But, yes, it was definitely a treat to hang out. Leslie (from Adoremus) was going to come down and hang out as well, but that didn't work out.

Thanks for coming down to hang out, A! It's always a treat to spend time with you :)

Yesterday, I didn't post because I was obsessed with my new video card. It's working quite nicely, though it doesn't allow me to do one thing that I'd hoped it could do: DVD frame captures. That's how I got that A.I. picture from my previous post. However, I found that my older brother's laptop can do it, so all is well. A.I. has so many incredible shots, so I sat there last night taking shot after shot of eye candy.

I don't know why I'm obsessed with art, in the general sense. I love the arts in general, the ability to express truths and beauty. I love, in images, when things lines up, or colors are rich and alive. I love it in music when the emotion and the thoughts are expressed not just in lyric but in the arrangement, the way the players passionately play.

Yet, I still can't produce a full work on my own. I guess that's why I haven't always been the happiest person, in some ways, because I created that expectation of myself and still haven't met it. It's a bit too self-centered to be of any merit, I admit. I think when I start to really explore God more, things will start to flow out more naturally :-). The problem is that I still let myself get too distracted with stupid stuff like cheap entertainment, but it's a work in progress, and I'm getting there.

Cheers.

From the movie A.I.

Today was yet another productive/anti-productive day, and our apartment's cable connection has been going haywire until now.

Productive

- Fixed cable connection. I think. I hope.
- Listened to "The Main Thing" again in preparation for leading the praise team practice this weekend, as well as for my personal necessity.
- Spent time setting up the Strat... the intonation was still off and it takes a bit of time to do it, after every re-stringing.
- Figured out a cool guitar sound patch.
- Practiced a song for the praise night.
- Cooked dinner for my brother and I.

Anti-productive

- Woke up at 11:30. Took two hours to wash up, and waited for the video card.
- Video card never came (though it was sent to be delivered at 8:15 AM), so I went to research lab, sat around for 3 hours doing nothing but browse the web and try to get some code to work, then left.
- Turns out that the video card was delivered right after I left. The didn't leave it, so they deliver it tomorrow. Go figure.

Yesterday I watched A.I. and went bowling with my roommates and some of their church friends. A.I. is an incredibly beautiful movie... the cinematography was breathtaking, to say the least. As for the glaring plot holes and unresolved plot elements, eh. The great acting redeemed it. As for the themes, I can see how Stanley Kubrick a movie it was; he likes to explore the perils of technology, the perils of the "progressive thrust" of the industrial age, and perils of trusting in establishements in all of his works.

I think I'm going to watch it again.

My new video card is coming!

Last night, I went bowling with my roommates' church and watched A.I. on my computer.

I enjoyed the movie, glaring plot holes and unresolved issues aside (If the Professor left to get his team, how come they never came back? And why didn't they search for the kid if he was missing?). The cinematography was just incredible. Every scene was filled with gorgeous hues and blends of color, pleasing camera angles, etc. The acting was superb, as well.

I want Teddy... much cooler than my talking Eeyore.

Yes, I have a talking Eeyore toy.

One thing I don't understand.

I have a problem with my throat and lungs while I sing, especially when it's in public. Some saliva or something always comes down into my lungs, so I end up choking. It's really embarrassing and distracting, and frustrating.

In general, I've had respiratory problems in and out since I was a kid. It's not terribly bad, and not necessarily asthma, but it's just enough to be a nuisance.

I guess that's one way God keeps me humble.

I am getting closer the the realization of how clueless I am with my research. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, though, I know what I'm supposed to be doing.

God, have mercy.

I stayed up till 6 AM today putting together prep materials for the praise team that I'm heading up for next next Saturday's praise night. I cleaned up a poorly recorded message by C.J. Mahaney, "The Main Thing." Oh, what solid meat that was. Increible, senors y senoritas. Muy bueno.

I also put together a mix of possible new songs that we'll sing, songs that they probably wouldn't know.

I have come to learn more and more how the Enemy works to slow spiritual growth at the personal and church body level. He does it primarily by convincing or enticing us to listen more to our critical thoughts and darker emotions... because when we think or feel them, they breed self-righteousness. Why would we ever want to think ourselves to be wrong? We are very quick to always assume that we are right, and very rarely do we catch ourselves from going down that path. I think 99% of the problems in church stems from people getting too self-important and prideful about what they think their church needs, what problems their church has. When it comes to listening to leaders, they focus more on their negative feelings and reactions to the leaders' foibles and weaknesses. Vice versa, the leaders can start feel the same way about the followers, they don't want to change what they're doing, and they try to exert their authority more. Cycles of bitterness and resentment form, and thus the commonly known problems arise: church splits, fights, and whatnot.

That's an oversimplification in many aspects, I realize, but I have seen it tear myself apart and so many churches apart. I've grown up in the church, and I've seen it from both the elders'/deacons' side, the pastor's side, the members' side. Self-righteousness is very deceptive, very hard to detect, so it usually starts small and end up becoming the key factor that splits the church. It is only by Grace and through prayer that we come to detect it. I hope that all of you that have been embittered by past, recent, or current experiences in church consider the following question; what is at the root of your anger? What is at the root of your resentment? Is it really reasonable, or Godly, to worsen your wounds with the salt of bitter thought? Have you prayed and sought to see what is the most sensitive and encouraging thing to do at the moment?

I am still dealing with these feelings whenever I deal with my mom, and I think people in my church, and my family are as well. I am not so sure why, but I really sense that the Enemy has hampered much progress in my church's growth in this respect. But, glimmers of hope always emerge, and God has already used a lot of these things for the good. For example, I see my dad has been getting more sensitive with my mom's feelings and needs; in turn, I hear he's been doing so more for the church as well.

Well, I must go back to work.

I found this link at someone's blog. Have a good laugh at the contents.

Mr. T's Inspirational Video from the 80's

as well:

Top 30 Simpsons Episodes

I'm at the research lab right now listening to one of my favorite tracks on one of my favorite albums of all time, "Kind of Blue."

Pure genius, pure chill, pure cool.