Strike me down; I feel my heart burning, I feel my soul aching.

I just read Job 31 - 37. Every stanza, every word has pierced me through with their relevancy, with convicting me of what sins I've repeatedly been practicing, and of what God's grace really is like.

Struck.

I played Chrono Trigger, an old role playing video game for the Super Nintendo, until 6 in the morning today. I woke up at 1 PM.

What I should have done:

Work on the powerpoint slides of the song lyrics for tomorrow's praise night
Make the small group question sheets
Prepare the key verses and what will be said between songs
Work out technical details for sound and whatnot
Make up an icebreaker

How could I preach that Christianity is a way of life, a life of worship, when all I do is try to satisfy my instant urges... to glorify myself? What happened to "the life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me?" What happened to "I no longer live, but Christ lives in me?" That's what the theme of the afternoon/night is, that Christianity is life of worship and looking outwards instead of inwards.

Maybe this is all to teach that I'm getting too self-righteous these days? Trusting too much in what I do?

But that's no excuse for laziness or self-centered hedonism.

Well.

Anyhow, Sprint PCS has been causing trouble, and I don't even have a phone or a number yet. They never sent me a confirmation email in the past three days, though I was promised, "You will receive a confirmation e-mail within 24-48 hours."

Try 72!

Well, after more than an hour of being bounced around 10 operators (but hey, at least they were people not automated systems), I finally was able to piece together the exact department that was dealing with my order.

PHEW. They said they'd take care of it, since it was backlogged due to technical problems they've been having. So, I SHOULD be getting it by next Wednesday. But, if I do get my plan, I'd say the trouble was worth it. 4000 n&w? 6000 bonus n&w for the next six months? 500 anytime? all for $36.68? That's not too bad.

The more daytime minutos, the better, right?

I was going to have dinner with my friend from college, Jimmy Choi, but he couldn't make it. What to do now? I'm starving.

Well, I should get going. See you all after the weekend. No Weekend Update for you!

Check the following out from my new link (For whom did Christ die?):

"JAKE: But isn’t the difference really one of emphasis: that universal atonement emphasizes the love of God while definite atonement emphasizes His sovereignty?

JOHN: Not really. When you get right down to it, the difference is primarily not one of emphasis, but one of content. The bottom line is this: one doctrine proclaims the God who saves, while the other teaches of a God who enables people to saves themselves.9 In fact, J.I. Packer emphasizes this by saying that Calvinism has only one point to make in the doctrine of salvation: God saves sinners.10 The atonement not only made salvation possible, but it actually secured it."

another thing i've been thinking about.

Family is the context where your faith is really tested, because there are no barriers. If you feel angry, you don't hide it with your parents or siblings. That's the context where your real personality comes out.

Tonight I played basketball in the projects of New Brunswick.

Yeah, I guess you can call it projects.

We had pickup games with a lot of these black kids that made a big deal about us being Chinese. or Japanese. or, "that other one.... does it start with a C?"

hehe.

They weren't all bad kids. One was going to be a senior in high school, and he wanted to play football for Rutgers.

***

3 more days till praise night.

Is my life really a life of worship? Today, I'm not sure if my life realy reflected my status as a child of God, a person that is freed to live Life. I find it a hard thing to keep the message of the Gospel fresh and alive, to have my heart genuinely respond to its message. If I have a hard time, how can I possibly live this life of worship?

But, I still talk with God constantly. We're in a relationship. How do I revitalize my end of things?

God, remind my heart what You've taught my head, that story about Your love. Remind me so that I can be decisive about my actions and resistant to my laziness.

Sprint it is.

Oh! There's this weird deal, for this week and the next, that they're giving out 6000 free minutes for nights and weekends, to be used for the next six months if you get it online.

Phone: LG 1010

Something I was thinking about today.

Maybe it's a waste of thought, but I was wondering, how can one describe the feeling of liking or "falling in love" with someone? How does one qualitatively describe the feeling? It's easy to describe other emotions, like happiness. Happiness is the state where one thinks and has positive feelings, is it not? But when you like someone, there's this one specific feeling that I just can't find a way to put into words. I feel it in my chest; maybe I can say it's like muted excitement. It includes an overwhelming sense of longing to be with the person in question; there's that really strong sense of adoration for the person, regardless of perceived imperfections. I wish I can say the word 'longing' would be another way to put it, but there's still more to it. Maybe it can be described as this: romantic feelings are when you feel pleasure, excitement, desire, concern, and the rest of your emotions in response to the person in question.

I have no idea why I was thinking about this, besides the fact that I'm a very emotional/sentimental type of person. Too much so, in which I find myself rendered stupid when overcome by them.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. How can we humans feel the same way about God? About Someone we can't perceive with our physical senses? Yet, God desires that for us. How can I feel pleasure, excitement, desire, longing for God, in the same and even in a more intense manner than I do with romantic interests?

Sprint or Verizon?

Opinions, please.

My options:

Sprint - $36.89 a month
• 500 Anytime Minutes
• 4000 Night & Weekend Minutes
• Includes Long Distance
• ~$50 bux for the phone, after $50 rebate

Verizon - $35 a month
• 300 Anytime Minutes
• 4000 Night & Weekend Minutes
• Includes Long Distance
• ~$30 bux for phone (the Samsung SCH-T300)

200 minutes for 1.89 more a month is really nice. Would that be worth more than the perks i get with the really good rebate on the phone from verizon?

If you have an opinion, please tell me your reasoning. or experience with either company.

JHU is gonna be in the movies!

"My Wife Is Gangster"

I did something tonight that I thought I'd never bring myself to do: watch a Korean movie.

Yes, that's right, it's no typo, I watched a Korean movie, and it's title? Take a wild guess.

Seeing as its title was grammatically incorrect, I steeled myself for what I guessed would be a typical Korean drama. I was surprised to find that it was an action movie, but yes, it was pretty bad. There were some moments, but it convinced me again about how non-Korean I am in taste, culture, and mentality.

As well, it convinced me how biased I am towards Korean-produced media and entertainment. I suppose I should broaden my horizons, but I dunno... the past 20 years of seeing painfully sappy and cheesy movies, shows and music has burned that negative bias into my mind.

All of this brings me to ponder upon the age old issue (for me, at least) of identity. I'm definitely American. I'm Korean by genetic and physical makeup. But culturally? I understand aspects of Korean culture, but not all of it. The fact that I'm saying that shows how outside of Korean culture I reside. When it comes to Korean food, it's not my favorite, but I don't dislike it. It can be really good, but it doesn't give me the satisfaction that Italian food does. Yes, I have more of an American taste in food. As in, I can be made full and enjoy it with Korean (or Asian food in general), but my stomach and mind are more pleased and satisfied with American. The same goes for music. I'm not a fan of Asian, but Western music.

Well, aren't I happy about myself. Man, this page makes me feel so narcississtic and self centered when I go on too much about myself instead of analyzing and describing things around me.

Ok. How about this? My roommate's old TV's been busted for a while, so I tried to fix it today. I was hoping that it would have been just a blown fuse (the problem is that the TV doesn't turn on), but alas. Both fuses were intact! Bummer. I traced the path of electricity from the cord to the transformer to the circuitboard in hopes of seeing, maybe, something that wasn't right, but no luck. I still can't figure it out, oh well.

This is one dumb entry ;-)

Today I attended new grad student orientation.

Closer and closer to school I return.
I sit here and think of what battles I've won,
What battles I've lost in the war for Truth.
It wages on in mind and soul
Of all and one, in practice, in thought.
Do I know? Do I live? Is it me? Is it real?

I can't write poetry. What am I thinking?
I'm in the mood, and no, I'm not drinking.
Stop reading this now, before it's too late.
Before in regret, you mutter, "oh great."

I ran into the ex-girlfriend of this guy that will be a senior at Hopkins. She had visited many a time over the years. We had lunch and then went to College Ave., since we both had things to take care of (me, orientation, her, getting books). Of course, she knew my name, and I had forgotten hers. What IS it? Jenn? I think it's Jenn, I'm not so sure. Arg. It was too embarassing to ask.

I'll remember it. Eventually. Darnit, I used to be good with names, too.

What a long weekend. So many thoughts, so many things happened.

7 hour practice for this Saturday's praise night. It went on so long because things kept coming up... be it technical issues, ideas, etc. etc.

I have a lot to learn about not being so focused on getting my musical vision of things, or the fact that things don't come together the way I want them to. I also realized how limited that vision was. Most of all, It was striking to see how much more important the vision, heart, and soul of the people playing is than the actual ability of the players. Why? Music that has life has it because its function is to communicate life. If the players aren't passionate about expressing what they're feeling or thinking about (usually both), then music becames mere entertainment.

I gave a sermon today to the youth group; I presented the gospel. Next week, I'll speak on how to apply it.

This evening, I cooked dinner with my brother and watched 2 movies. Goldmember (my roommates had d/l it) and Amelie (DVD), both using my new setup with the computer and tv hookup.

Tomorrow's grad school orientation.

School starts next week.

Am I ready to start again?

Am I ready to tackle life?

Am I ready?