Just watched Harry Potter.

It was fun, well done, I can see why people are so hooked on Harry Potter. As for me, I've never been able to get into it; it never really pulled to me, didn't and still don't see anything special about it after having reading all those sc-fi and fantasy books as a kid.

But, I do see why people have gotten into it. It was fun and had a good sense of adventure. And you gotto love that flying car that has a life of its own... it reminded me of those "Herbie The Love Bug" movies from the 70's, like, "Herbie Goes Bananas", "The Love Bug", etc.

There, no spoilers for you fans that haven't seen it, ok? :-)

OH, but then again, if you are fans, you would have already read the book, and from what I hear, it's basically the book. So, just go to see the book in live action.

Anyhow, it's 3 AM, we caught the 11:45 showing. I am tired. Good night.

I picked up my bike today, after having it out of commission for a week due to a flat tire. I didn't have any spare inner tubes and I didn't have time to take it in to the shop until yesterday.

I love riding around on it, it makes exercise fun. It's not even exercise anymore; there's something invigorating about the speed and about doing jumps and going over rough terrain. When I get tired, this is the only time where I don't give in and stop, because the thrill is too great.

But I'm still sorely out of shape.

****

Please pray for praise team prep for praise night!

Must finish this blog before midnight, and it's 11:54 right now, so I'll be quick.

Just want to make note of the fact that since I'm more on the ministry side of things now at church, I'm a little nervous that I myself won't get fed.

A lot of issues still need to be worked out. Lord, help me.

****

I am so busy with school and with other things, I don't get to spend quality time with my age anymore. That's why I am lonely these days. That's why I have all these urges to go online, because there are more people I know that are on there, as opposed to the people around here. I'm not just talking about craving typical social contact, but good Christian fellowship: sharing, praying, bonding with people. The last time I was able to do that was 3 weeks ago when I visited friends in New York. Gosh, it's already been three weeks! I was planning to meet up with Jacob yesterday at the NY Public Library on 42nd and 5th to study, but that fell through.

Anyhow, it's cool that I've met Jacob's friends at Remnant online through AIM and blogging, but they're out there, and I'm here. It's cool that I have friends in Philadelphia, but they're out there, and I'm here. People here just don't seem interested in hanging out... but I still should reach out. I know that a lot of this has to do with my prejudices/barriers with people whom God has surrounded me. I just can't connect with anyone around here... why? Is it snobbery? I don't feel like I'm being a snob, and I don't think that I'm being one, either. Hopefully not, that would really stink.

All in all, at the end, I'm still lonely here at Rutgers. I miss all my friends that graduated and are still down at JHU. I want to get to know those people that I've connected with at New York. I want to meet some good quality people here, people that force/encourage me to be good quality as well. I've been searching for much needed accountability, but just haven't really found a good friend that I connect with yet. Please pray for me.

Still searching. Hopefully, I'll find them. And maybe, I'll find her. Unless of course, I already have and I don't even know it. :-D

"But the Cross was the fruition of God’s love for His people, an act of grace, and a sovereign work that could never be frustrated by either the creatures He intends to save nor by those who are lost in their sins."

Note to self: How could one —who is in Christ— ever be insecure after reading something like this? Think of Romans 8.

Man, I keep believing in the wrong things: depression, loneliness, failure.

I'll still be 'hai-ting'. (Koreanization of the word 'fighting.' It's a chant they do at sporting events... the fact that it's improper grammar speaks volumes of why I find Koreans to be very entertaining. Think http://www.engrish.com)

Quotes to think about.

1) "So It comes down to this: what was the purpose of the death of Christ? First, what did the Father and the Son intend to accomplish by it? I say—the Scripture says—“to seek and to save that which was lost.” Second, what was actually and effectually fulfilled and accomplished by it? Many things: reconciliation, justification, sanctification and adoption."

2) "We can also answer the question—what was the purpose of the death of Christ?—another way: first, the immediate, supreme and ultimate end was for the glory of God; second, the secondary, intermediate and subservient end was to bring us to God."

3) "God, out of his infinite love to his elect, sent his dear Son in the fullness of time, whom he had promised in the beginning of the world, and made effectual by that promise, to die, pay a ransom of infinite value and dignity, for the purchasing of eternal redemption, and bringing unto himself all and every one of those whom he had before ordained to eternal life for the praise of his own glory."

4) "But the Cross was the fruition of God’s love for His people, an act of grace, and a sovereign work that could never be frustrated by either the creatures He intends to save nor by those who are lost in their sins."

from http://home.earthlink.net/%7Emybrainhurts/biblical/DefAtone5.html

I feel so isolated and alone. Am I really?

****

Anyhow, this thought occured to me. If I was to die tonight, would I be satisfied with my life to this point? I think would I complain, "But I never had a career," or "I didn't conquer my sin," or "I never had a girl to be with," or simply, "I'm not ready to go, life just started!"

I think that speaks volumes about how self-centered I am. I am still in a state of mind where life is about my glory: I didn't achieve, I'm still as prone to give in to my bad habits as ever, I didn't have a family, I didn't have a "worthy life." Essentially, I've placed my values and ideals in ways to ultimately give myself glory, not God. It's a legalistic, self-righteous state of mind that ultimately places its worth in itself, instead of trusting in the infinite worth found solely in Christ. At the end, it says 'ME' instead of 'You,' God.

God, what now? How do things change? Where do I go from here, and how do I get there?

Woke up at 11:30 AM.

Now in my lab, about to check out another lab since they're setting up some cool equipment.

I am cool. I work in a lab. I am, as Strong Bad says, 'crazy-go-nuts.' I am cool.

****

I was reading some random blogs of acquaintances (not friends) that I had in college, and it is striking to see further confirmation on why I never continued efforts to reach out to them. We are all imperfect, but sometimes there are those you can tell really don't seem to be worth the time and energy; they end up exhibiting their ultimately self-centered natures like we all do, but they never make an effort to admit that it's wrong and to fight those tendencies. They blame the world for not serving them, they complain. We all do it, but some don't find it to be something wrong.

Anyhow, I'm glad that I still have had the blessing to know friends that are ardent about fighting those sinful tendencies. God uses these friends to motivated me to join the fight against selfishness.

On a totally different subject, it is also striking to see how unstable our hearts can be. At least, my heart is quite unpredictable. I'm still trying to make it listen, to make it forgive, to make it love in the face of rejection, failure, and inconsideration. Thank goodness that the Gospel is objective, otherwise I would have done so many more stupid and un-edifying things.

Back to life.

"Up Late"

I am still up at around 4 AM working on the mix for the praise night. Remnant STORM, you're in for a special treat with the first track, since it will only pertain to you.

Once again, perfectionism has been dictating this mix. I keep struggling to decide what's the best combination of thematic cohesiveness, musical excellence, and theological/philosphical weight. I am struggling to not put too much Matt Redman stuff on here.. heh.

Ok, so I keep praying that it will be the right mix for everyone. Maybe some will dislike, some will really like, but all in all, I just want it to make a good, lasting impact. Hence the perfectionism. So far, here is the most recent iteration of the songs' thematic layout. To me, it makes sense as a dialogue between God and worshipper:

Introduction (for STORM copies only).

God: I, the Lord God, am asking if you know Me. Since you are all mine, come, praise Me, the God who saves the day, the God romances you.

Worshipper: God, you are my treasure. Jesus, our friendship is firmly secure.

God: Oh, really? Then what do you see when you look upon the cross? Are you changed, or is your heart hardened to what I did for you, out of my ultimate love for you, my child?

Worshipper: God, you're right. You keep leading me back to the cross, You keep reminding me of what You did to bring me to You. You brought me into Your presence, a place where even angels fear to enter. There are these times where it's hard for me to see Your love, but then I didn't notice You were standing here holding me, sharing my pain, washing my feet, dying for me.

I'm at Your feet, broken, crying out, and there You are, You are all I need. Lord, my heart is Yours, in times of darkness, in times of pain... here I am to worship You. You give and take and way, but I will still bless and praise Your name, because Your life and death are a firm reminders of Your faithfulness. You are more than enough, Lord, You are sufficient.

You amaze me, and You show me that You really are in control! All creation should cry out praises to You, for You truly are the Creator, the Life-giver, the Provider! It's You alone that gives me reason to dance and rejoice... I could have been content to see Your glory from the farthest distance, but You graciously pulled me to Yourself. So I come to foot of Your throne, shaking with the immeasurable delight that has overcome my senses, for I can see the glory of God up close and personal... and remain alive!

****

Well, I hope that makes sense. That's the song order that I have in my mind now. Does it make sense? It's 4:15 now, anything makes sense at this point. I think that is my cue to sleep. I guess I won't have time to go study @ the New York Public Library on 42nd and 5th, tomorrow. Darnit, and I was looking forward to it.

This week, I will not waste. I was able to be on the ball last week... I won't be conditional and say that God's grace was on me any more than my bad times, but man, it sure felt good to make it through. Plus... no AIM yet! I am hoping to hold out on AIM for at least a month, so that I can develop a lifestyle that really doesn't need it anymore.

God, thank you. Jesus, You Whom are in total control, protect me, strengthen me, and make my heart more sensitive to and moldable by the Gospel.

HAHA!

Check this out first (Click)

Then this (Click)

And this one is for you, Mr. Freeze. Just the first part. :-D Just kidding. :-)

Check out this picture I made:



Isn't it cool?

Go to http://potatoland.org/solid/

Test is over.

Class is over.

Now, to live the life!

Since Saturday evening, I've been preparing for tomorrow's Biochem test.

At this moment, I must confess that I've never felt so unprepared for a test since Fluid Mechanics my junior year.

But, you know, this is the best I could have done given what I've had to work with this past month. Since this past week, I've been trying to change a lot of bad habits that have sucked my life away. This time around, I'm really trying to do it based on the firm faith of Christ's sovereignty over existence, not just wishful thinking.

I am starting to see that it will be an extended and consistent process of reminding myself again and again about what's real and to act accordingly. To explain, it's reminding myself that though my emotions and whims are strong, Christ's command of reality is ultimately stronger; therefore, if I ask Him to help me, He will. And, He has. I know that I won't do well on this test tomorrow, but that doesn't matter. The fact that I was able to study this past weekend is testament to Christ's strength. Every fiber in my being didn't want to study, and usually I would have listened to my body's objection, but I asked Christ to exert His control and give me the strength and motivation to do it.

Yeah, so, I studied, and to the best of my ability. Yeah, I won't do well, I don't have nearly good enough of a command of everything, but that's ok.

That's ok.