"Are you there? Hello?"
It seems to me that when women complain, a lot of it has to do with the absence of men's attention. Now, this is not to mean attention in the romantic sense alone. This has to do with the absence of men's attention to what they should be paying attention, like responsiblities around the house, intiative in the world, taking care of their families, and treating their women with the respect and affection that they desire. There seems to exist a cycle where women complain and men only see the specific things they complain about. Neither party really strives to see what the core of issue is: men not paying attention to why what they should be paying attention.
At least, I see this in my family. My family consists of 4 males, 1 female. To be honest, for the past 22 years of my life I've heard more complaints, nagging, screams, demands, etc. from my mother than thankful remarks and satisfied sentiments. She seems to be more intent on saying, "This family is all talk! You all say that you love me, but you don't do anything to help me!" as opposed to, "My life is so happy. The house is clean, my ministry is going well because everyone is so supportive, and I always have someone to talk to because my family hears me and understands me."
The problem seems to start from top down. My father was always studying in his office, and my brother was too rebellious and strong minded (a trait inherited from my mother) to listen, and so my brother and I passively followed him (a trait inherited from my dad). Of course, this is an oversimplification of the problem, but from the point that we three boys began to think on our own, we found it our mission to point out all the fallacies and logical failures in our parents to do whatever we wanted. That has become a pattern in our family and I think it is a common pattern in men when dealing with unhappy women:
1) Men do not live up to their responsibilities, such as treating women in a respectful and serving manner.
2) Women respond emotionally to the problems created, sometimes escalating to the Women's Rights bonanza in the '60s and '70s, to the constant nagging we receive from all of our mothers.
3) The nagging and emotional response rarely gets the point across, because it elicits a negative and self-righteous response from men. I list my mom yelling at me as the top thing in this world that can make me lose control of my temper.
4) Men learn to ignore what the women complain about, then attack the emotional nature and foundation of these complaints. They feel the women are wrong and are stubborn not to see that they are wrong, and both sides want to boost their egos by showing themeselves to be in the right. At the end, no one feels the need to change his or her lifestyle.
5) The cycle perpetuates: Women get more emotional and angry because there is now a history of men ignoring them and continuing to shirk their responsibilities.
One possible course of solution:
1) Both sides admitting that they are wrong, that their attitudes are self-glorifying and ultimately sinful.
2) Both sides coming to Christ first and asking for His strength to change, for the the Holy Spirit to open their eyes to see what should be done.
3) Both sides sitting down and logically laying out what the root of the problem is: men shirking their responsibilities for "grass that looks greener on the other side," like petty hobbies and shallow means of entertainment that waste time. Men know what they have to do, but they see more instant gratification in the projects, in their sports teams, in their pornography, in their hobbies, in their alcohol, etc. The road to perdition is by giving into temptations that promise instant pleasure. Pleasure, a thing that is good and that should be pursued, is pursued by the wrong means. Men have to seek to find their pleasure by the right means, they have to seek to create higher ideals. Women have to stop nagging, start being reasonable with they way the respond to their situation, and start praying for the stupid men to turn their hearts to God.
4) Men make it their priority to CHANGE THEIR SELF-CENTERED HABITS AND PRIORITIES. Men make it their priority to TREAT WOMEN WITH RESPECT and to practice the correct form of attention: prayerful provision and God-ward leadership. Women realize that THEY ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT IN THE WAY THEY DEAL WITH THE PROBLEM, and make it their priority to prayerfully and thoughtfully deal with problems.
5) Both sides practice the principles of Christ-likeness by realizing that change comes with persistent, insistent hearts that are striving towards a new goal: the Glory of God, instead of the glory of self. This new, life-giving cycle with hopefully then perpetuate as each new problem in life arises.
I think this can happen. I think it is realistic: it doesn't depend on some mystical force and circumstance to change things, it depends on desiring to and getting to know a God who works through realistic things, who works through changing the way we emotionally react to the things that we find our pleasure in.
For me, I am trying to get rid of my addiction to the internet. I've cut out AIM, but I already see that I've been trying to make up for that change by reading more blogs and checking my email every single chance that I get. My priorities should be my God, then my family, then my church, then my studies, then my friends. Unless, of course, I find that girl. Then she'll be tied with family for the heirarchy of priority ;-). This list isn't generalizable to all, it's to what God has called me to manage.
God, turn me on towards Your direction. Give me what I need to live.
Forgive me in the way that I forgive others. Let that request motivate me to be more generous with my love that I can give. Please, lead me away from distractions, and away from the evil in this world. Christ is my claim ticket for these requests, so please grant me these things. Let me live life and live it to the fullest.
