"Stereolab Singer Dies In Bike Accident"

Click here for the article.

Wow.

I was a big fan of Stereolab's music during high school. This also makes me a lot more cautious about riding my bicycle, particularly because to get to campus, I have to cross a busy road where people like to speed.

There are those times in life where the reality sets in that all isn't well, and that all isn't bad either. Simply, the important priorities of life become evident. Naturally then the unimportant things reveal themselves, and life becomes a matter of choosing to focus on the important.

For example, I am in graduate school for a reason. I don't know why God has placed me here, but I do know that it is His will. However, I haven't really been focusing on graduate school, I've been spending more time pursuing my personal interests. I've spent more time with church, hobbies, trying to discover my own social circles, finding 'her', talking online, and reading online journals than I have spent studying, focusing on my research, and applying for fellowships.

Reality of my situation became evident. I overlooked the God's call to be a good steward by trying to create my own future, by pursuing my own interests for my own sake. It is this subordination of God's will that God graciously allows, but it is this subordination that hurts us in the end. For God leads his children into environments that will ultimately work out for our maximum good, but we complain because our expectations aren't met. We then stubbornly pursue our own paths, and seek instant gratification... and frustration in life ensues. Things don't turn out the way we want, relationships are mishandled, and we end up blaming God for "letting this happen".

As I have been stating in my entries for the past couple of weeks, I sense that God has showing me the real important things in my life. In the process, He has shown me that I have to let go of habits and addictions and start praying and acting upon convictions. I have and will make mistakes, but it is the Gospel that says that I am not just forgiven, but I am given the power to learn from them. Christ give me the will to actually do the right thing. The Holy Spirit makes the mental connections and emotive urges that instill passionate learning.

As Christmas approaches, I am reminded again of the measure of God's love. In the foreknowledge of our rejection, He still sent Christ. In the face of His burning anger for our offensive actions, He still sent Christ for our benefit. Love becomes apparent when we recognize the greatest Gift of all. I hope that I can now do the right things in my life, in response.

"Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire"

I've recently been trying to expand my musical horizons again. Deegurl suggest Simon and Garfunkel, so I got some of their stuff. Sarah suggested a lot of stuff as well, like Everything But the Girl. I remember listening to some of their stuff in high school. Thanks you two.

Since it's Christmas, I also have been d/l some good old school Christmas music by Nat King Cole, Bing Crosby, Ella Fitzgerald, and the rest of that era's singers. It's great stuff: really mellow, really romantic, really warm. I've always been a fan if Nat's voice... it's like a fresh smoothie. Ella's voice is like that too.

Puh rum-pum pum pum.

"The Road to Freedom..."

Is surely found in the Gospel. I realize that in my pursuit of trying to "get" the Gospel, it has ended up changing me in ways I never would have expected. I got off of the phone a couple of hours ago, it was a good conversation, in that it's the beginning again.

****

"I'm a man, I'm not a child
A man who sees
The shadow behind your eyes"

— Bono, Kite, from the U2 album All That You Can't Leave Behind

Some really deep things hit me earlier today as I was practicing for the weekend. Some core issues that I had forgotten about in my heart bubbled up as I thought about issues in my life. I've been praying and asking God about why I am the way I am sometimes, when it comes to insecurity, laziness, etc. It's not easy when He starts hitting you with the truth.

****

"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

— Matthew 18:32-35

"You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."

— Ephesians 4:20-27

"Spring in Winter"

I awoke this morning to a bright shining sun and looked out at my backyard. The stream was bubbling because of yesterday's rain and the melting snow; the water sparkled and birds were bathing and flitting about.

Here's a picture, but now the stream became muddy. Oh well.



****

Click here for the source of the temporary amusement of the last post. For those of you that I hung out with at Blue 9 a couple of weeks ago, this is the thing I was talking about. This is the ultimate ENGRISH. *hanging head in shame for the reputation of my people... after seeing yet another example of what they're doing these days*

After all, you know, "...you can select your ways when something really happens to you."

....... uhh... right.

Click here for some temporary amusement.

Again, I must reiterate, Koreans are weird.

Ok, so I don't have an important call to make. I spent 3 hours sitting and calling, making dinner and eating like mad so that I wouldn't be eating while talking.

But, no return, and no pick-up. I accidently snapped the earpiece holder for my headset, so I spent a half hour fixing it.

I was thinking about the genius of Ernest Hemingway, as observed in the book I read last year for American Lit. I forget what it was called, but it was some of his earlier stuff: a collection of short stories. The last story involved a guy that was surviving in the wilderness, being so intent with everything that he was doing that it made it obvious that it was almost a sense of coping with the pain of his past.

****

I filled a pot with water and set it to boil. In the skillet beside the pot, I cooked garlic, chopped fresh rosemary, and dried basil. I would have used fresh basil, if I had any. I found half of an onion in the fridge, and chopped it up as well. I threw it in with the rest of the ingredients. As they were cooking, I opened a can of whole peeled tomatoes. I tried to squash them while they were still in the can, as suggested by the Food Network. The onions became tender. I poured in the tomatoes, and everything started to simmer. At this moment, the water in the pot had risen to a boil. I salted the water and put in the pasta. Turning back to the skillet, I twisted in some sea salt, some black pepper, and poured in some frozen green peas for my health and for color. There was some Italian seasoning nearby, and that went in as well. There was time to spare, so I washed the knife, cutting board, and spoon. The noodles were done. I let the extra liquid simmer out from the sauce. I strained the noodles, placed some on my plate, and ladled on some sauce. In the top left corner of my refrigerator door sat the wedges of parmesan. I grated parmesan over the pasta, and hurried to my closet.

****

As I sat there with pliers and paperclip and black duct tape in hand, I carefully unbent the paperclip until it was perfectly straight. I bent it in half, and wrapped it with a skinny strip of the black duct tape. It fit perfectly within the headset. Taking the headset clip, I bent the other end of the wrapped paper clip and fitted it around the broken tip of the clip. I wrapped it with some more black duct tape, and pushed the fixed clip into the headset. There was about half a centimeter sticking out of the bottom, so I bent it against the headset. I walked to the bathroom to see how it looked; it was bulky.

****

Today was a total bust. I tried to study for biochem, but fell asleep for three hours. I went to my lab, went online, then tried to read some more, then went home. Tonight was a total bust as well, except for arranging and practicing mom's song.

****

I've never felt so wrong as I do now, but it's strange; I don't feel bad. I'm not overwhelmed with any feelings, in fact. Time to sleep.

I rearranged and am now practicing Geoff Moore's "Listen to Our Hearts" for my mother's thanksgiving service Saturday evening. She published a book this fall in Korea, so as a measure of gratitude and worship to the Provider, the church is holding a thanksgiving service this Saturday. My parents requested that the three sons perform a song, so, here I am, practicing it. Joe, my little brother, knew my mom liked that song very much, so we're doing it.

Anyhow, more Lesson's Learned will be coming up later. Right now, I have an important phone call to make.

For you DDR fans out there.....

Flash Flash Revolution!

Work those fingers!

http://www.marrytheresa.com

ok, that's weird, but hey, some people have to do what they have to do, I guess!

that billboard must be the world's largest personal ad.

****

Ok, time to sleep. Long day ahead...

Extremely drained, I pedaled home after the final. Well, ok, I went online for a little bit.

Ok. I get the hint. I'll close AIM right now.

There.

I did it.

****

"Lessons Learned, Part III"

For those of you that know what I've been going through this year, I had yet another talk with Jacob about it. Again, I was reminded of a lot of things that I have known in my mind which my heart has tried to suppress with its wounds. "Forgive me of my sin as I forgive those who sin against me." These words rang through my head all semester, and they rang true that evening. Yes, I knew that real forgiveness is not conditional. But to be faced with a situation where I have to exercise that, well, God, I know that You are doing all this because You love me, but it hurts. In these sort of situations, the heart wants to nurse its wounds by claiming its righteousness. I deserve an apology. I deserve retribution.

It is in this instance where the empathy with God's situation in forgiving us hits; God is so slighted, so angered, so offended by our ultimate refusal to give Him His due. God burns with righteous anger, because we have insulted Him with every sin. In my case, I wish I could have the right to exact my vengeful desires, but I know that Idon't. God, on the other hand, has every right to exact His vengeful inclination.

I guess when it is put in this light, the weight of His act of forgiveness and His ultimate sacrifice really hits home. How can we who have such levels of anger over such petty things ever fathom the level of His anger for our sins against His Holiness? It's like comparing a child's anger over not getting a piece of candy to a man's anger over the murder of his family; the comparison cannot be made. It is in the face of such extreme anger that the sole Being deserves to have that we are granted forgivness and mercy.

Speechless.

I think it's this concept that is highlighted in Jesus' parable of the ungrateful servant. How can we who don't give mercy demand it?

I'm still trying to get my heart to understand this concept; the Gospel becomes more mysterious every day.

for mc jamie p:

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/relevantnews.php

a job opening for graphic designers, "Formal design training with strong skill in progressive typographical, graphic design", at this new "progressive christian culture" magazine.

looked interesting, but they're in florida...

Final tomorrow.

Going to bike home in the freezing chill of the twilight, hopefully it will not invigorate me to be wide awake by the time I arrive home.

Necesito dormir.

****

Do I have no willpower at ALL?

I notice that during the evenings I always go through a time of repentance and regret for all the stupid things I did during the day, vowing the next day shall be better. Then, during the mornings, it's as if I've forgotten all the I vowed, and do the same stupid things throughout the day that I promised myself I wouldn't do.

*rolling eyes, throwing hands up*

When I talk about salvation, I feel and see myself being like "the boy who cried wolf." All this talk feels so shallow, when my life is so slow in reflecting what I praise with my lips and promise with my words. So, when the real storms hit, and when I really do cry out these things in much deeper honesty, it will seem to others and maybe even myself that it's not to be taken seriously. Or, vice versa, because of all I previously said was taken seriously, this real crisis that I would be reacting to would not seem as a greater crisis.

I am still caught in my heart with the message that I read and preach, because it still doesn't seem to be fundamentally something my heart is responding to. It's times like these where I start to question the validity of the message of the Gospel in my life. Then I realize that it's the Gospel that lets me recognize these things in the correct light in the first place, and it's the Gospel that keeps me headed forward. I am inclined to sin, but my direction is headed Godward. I will make mistakes, but I will learn from them. It is the promise, the fact that I'm forgiven, the proof of history that keeps me fighting myself from repeating them.

Your blood that covers, the Life that rose,
By cleansing, instead of condemning
By healing, instead of hurting
By giving, instead of taking
From ash to wood, Your glory You chose

Justice in the form of mercy
Justice in the form of love
Justice for my sin
With peace from above

How gracious a God,
We delight in You.
How wondrous a Savior,
Your message is true,
So we rejoice in You,
Lord, we delight in You.

The comment server, I noticed, is down more often than it is operational. *rolling eyes*

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*PRAYER REQUEST ALERT*

I request that you take the next five to ten minutes, after reading these requests, to pray for them. It'll only take five or ten minutes.

Please pray for Carol Chu if you know her, or even if you don't. She is seeking employment. Go get 'em, tiger!

Please pray for Sarah Hedges if you know her, or even if you don't. She is having financial difficulties at the moment, please pray for wisdom and for God's providence!

Please pray for Jacob Lee if you know him, or even if you don't. He is taking the first medical school board examination this Saturday, and needs all the prayer he can get! Study hard, man, and rock the boards!

Please pray for Denise Lee if you know her, or even if you don't. She is studying for her finals. Dee, you can doooooo EEET!

Please pray for Jennie Park if you know her, or even if you don't. She is studying for her finals, 2 of which are tomorrow. Study hard!

Please pray for me. I have a final tomorrow, and more finals coming up as well.

****

If anyone else want's prayer requests posted, email them to me.

"Lessons Learned, Part II"

"I delight greatly in the LORD;
my soul rejoices in my God.

For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise
spring up before all nations."

— Isaiah 61:10-11

I studied this passage during a study break last Wednesday, and it blew me away. Here is a passage that CLEARLY indicates, in the Old Testament, that God prophesied that He would impart salvation upon us, declare us righteous by giving it to us, not finding it within us.

With the soil and sprout analogy, I conjured up this image in my head of the roots anchored in the ground, and the water and nutrients seeping into them. Just as the soil feeds and infuses life into the sprouts, so does God infuse us with His ingredients of life. Then righteousness and praise may become characteristics of us, His redeemed. How do we rejoice and greatly delight in our God? We firmly root our hearts within His Word and continually renew ourselves with the message of the Gospel, the hope in what we are promised in Christ.