I haven't been thinking much lately, and my entries of late have been quite shallow. These day I've gone into automatic pilot... not good. I haven't really been thoughtful with my time.

Tomorrow:

New York.

Ah. Two Towers. Liked it. Go see it.

Though, it does drag a little here and there, but you must love the grandiose scope of the movie.

Later.

anger is but a mere mention of the violence within
that festers, waiting to escape from its prison
of the walls created by society for the sake of peace.

dissatisfaction has been my creed, and i falter because
i cannot seem to turn to the Source of life.
i consider myself farther away than i've ever felt before,
where are You, and where am i?

i'm gripped by this sea of hopelessness
that i won't make it through today or life
that You won't lead me to her
that i am not a real man.

i feel slight twinges of pain in my heart
but it's not pain of anger or guilt or sorrow.
it must be the lack of sleep of staying up
because i had nothing better to do.

i'm trying to hold together but then i see
i'm not falling apart like humpty dumpty
my emotions are stoic, but i see that my world
crumbling because of what i didn't do.

i feared and walked away, i didn't want to do it
turned, i turned, i turned
i turned to the pursuit of my acceptance
and here I am now, sitting, reaping the wheat.

brushing against my heart are the thoughts that
i've wasted my time on this earth
that all is lost
but nothing's lost

I have to turn around and face the facts
embrace the facts, pet the facts, groom the facts
love the facts,
believe the facts and act.

Nothing else but You are there
nothing else but You does care
nothing else but You will share
nothing else but You are there.

Interesting link about the safest and most dangerous cities of America.

Ahhhh... good ol' Baltimore is still up there in the top five most dangerous.

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I am sensing that I am getting more lost in life, these days, because of the realization that I have been lost all year.

God, please find me.

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Yeah, I guess this describes me in a way. I like how the people that wrote this quiz about putting people into categories mispelled the word "categories" in the description. See if you can find what I'm talking about.


What box do you get put in?
brought to you by Quizilla

HAHAHA!

So, I was interested by this "googlism" thing that Jacob did, so I decided to put in "tim kang" to see what I would get. No results turned up and it said something like, "we're sorry, the world doesn't know enough about tim kang yet." Miffed, I typed in "timkang" and this is what I got:

Googlism for: timkang

timkang is no ordinary witness testifying on circumstantial matters

thank you, googlism, for clearing up my identity. All is well with the world now.

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"Allnighter at the Lab"

So, I'm here at my lab pulling an allnighter to finish this take home final, and there was another guy here that I didn't know was here until now. As I was sitting trying to figure out the problem (the last one! YAHOO!), I heard this weird snorting sound behind me. I got up to see what it was, and found a snoring grad student lying on the carpeted floor under one of the computer tables.

Ok, grad school life is weird.

Movies I'd like to see this season:

ANTWONE FISHER
LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS
STAR TREK: NEMESIS

Now, if you know me, I'm rarely materialistic or the typical "drool over something" kind of guy, but man, this car (click) is incredibly cool. I drove it in Gran Turismo 3 and loved it there, and finally found some really cool pictures of it so you all can relate. Such a cool looking car! The car weighs less than 2000 pounds, the engine is behind the driver, it has 550hp, AND it's 4WD. Now, that's insane.

For all of the years that I've been studying the body's innerworkings, it never ceases to amaze me how so much can be fitted into our tiny little heads. So much personality, so much memory, so many skills, so many thoughts are stored, processed, and activated within our brains. How could this be? We have so many nerve cells and billions of neural connections in our brain, forming a highly interconnected network of programs. It's a wonder that we can have so much within us, all stored as dendritic patterns. How could God make us so complex with such little space? It's a wonder.

According to one of my site trackers, someone used the search query "reginald denny riots pictures" in Google to get to my site.

HUH?!

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Ok, yesterday study day was a bust. For the rest of today, I will not use the computer or play any videogames. I WILL finish this take home final. I WILL.

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I've been listening to DJ Shadow. Interesting, complex music.

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Now, I asked someone this yesterday, but I figured I'd ask my readers: am I the only one that gets extremely distracted when trying to study? My mind becomes interested in everything else in the world besides the pressing task at hand. And if so, how do you successfully convince your body to stay put and study? I'm always on the losing end of the battle against these impulses.

Ok, focus.

"Ain't Misbehavin'"

I love this song. I've heard two versions: one by Ella Fitzgerald, and one by Louis Armstrong. It's a good, ol' time jazz tune.

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"Bad Accent"

I was talking with my friend John today about how some Korean accents can be pretty funny. Take my dad, for instance. Instead of saying, "You have a pimple on your neck" after giving me a trim, he'd say, "You have a pimp on your neck." Or, when we were kids, he'd yell at us to "SIT DOWN" when we were horsing around. But, he would pronounce the consonant "S" as "SH", so you can gather what it sounded like when he said, "sit down." We hardly ever had the strength to contain our giggles, but we'd sit down anyhow.

Well, to save face, his accent isn't THAT bad, and he has a very good vocabulary. Ahem. Er, I mean, he's read a lot of books for the past 30 years, so he has a good command of PROPER English. As well, I don't know anyone that has an extensive knowledge of the Word as my dad, he seems to know the reference to whatever passage you give him.

Ah, dad.

To ponder:

"The LORD has made proclamation
to the ends of the earth:
"Say to the Daughter of Zion,
'See, your Savior comes!
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.' "

They will be called the Holy People,
the Redeemed of the LORD ;
and you will be called Sought After,
the City No Longer Deserted"

— Isaiah 62:11-12

"Sick"

When I look in the mirror, my skin has gotten paler, and I've lost weight over the past two weeks. My mom has made sure to note it every time I go home.

Feeling really nauseatic.

After sleeping and cleaning my room, I flipped through the channels and found Sleepless in Seattle. I had never seen it before, and it was halfway through, so I thought I'd catch it.

I found myself having a lot of sympathy for the Bill Pullman character. Such a caring, understanding, mature guy, and he gets blown off by this unstable female. He goes to the length of TAILORING HIS MOTHER'S WEDDING RING for her... and for what? She's liked someone else all along, and she's led him on. And even when he knows she's going to reject him, he still puts on a gentle smile and lets her go.

Poor Bill Pullman character. Didn't he play the Lonestar in Space Balls?

When Harry Met Sally is on next. I guess today is Meg Ryan romantic comedy day on TBS Superstation. :-)

From this past weekend:



My mom.

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"Priority"

I watched Black Hawk Down after my final today, and the thing that struck me was that the thread of events happened because the Americans were commited to their priority: no one get's left behind. All the tragic events wouldn't have happened if they had left the first guy, but they stuck to their priority. Many more were killed and wounded, but there was always the same priority: no one get's left behind.

What would my life be like if I stuck to my priorities with such determination and zeal? What would the church be like if it had that passion for the lost? Would it be for better or for worse?

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"Doing What You Preach"

Last Sunday I strongly urged my kids to strive to see the reality laid out in Ephesians in their lives, and to make a difference in their lives. Little did I expect that God would immediately put my encouragement to the test with my experience with today's final and with my illness.

God, I still don't know if I'm getting the picture, but I request with the rights given to be through your Son, please continue to reveal to me Your purpose and to match my desires to Your desires.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........

I don't know whether to laugh, or to just... well, I don't know how to react with this site. Well, the "good" satires are always the most controversial ones, I guess.

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www.BOONDOCKS.net

funny comic strip.

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Off to my final.

"Hack, Cough"

I've progressively been getting sicker and sicker. Last week I had the lowest energy levels, no matter what healthful foods I ate. That made it very difficult for me to study for my finals. Then, since past Friday, I've been having trouble sleeping because the nasal drip would cut off my lung air supply and cause me to wake up in mid suffocation. I really need to see that PCP as soon as these finals are over. This evening, it feels like I have the mucuous seeped into in my lungs now. I try to cough it up, but nothing comes. At least that's good... no discolored mucous means no nasty infection. At least, not yet, and hopefully, never.

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"Honestly"

I have to admit that this past weekend, I haven't really been spending quality time with Him. It's not just guilt that I experience in response. There's an emptiness that I only experience when I start putting off reading His Word and really digging into what He's saying.

I start to see myself as I really am without Him. I see my unregenerate, selfish mindset creeping in as I talk with people, interact with my family, and handle my time and interests. I see it as I respond to my environment with complaints and anger, as I lend ear to distracting sentiments and desires.

It's times like these that, again, show how much it is a miracle that I have gotten up to this point in life. God really is gracious, He truly is the Author of my faith. I have no claim, truly, other than the Grace of God for my righteousness. Why? Because I see glimpses that when I am left to my own volition, I immediately turn away from Him.

Truly, all have sinned, and fall short of His Glory; truly, no one desires Him on their own volition, no one is righteous. How much more gracious He is that there are people out there zealous for God, building His Kingdom, fighting for His Glory.

Biochem exam at 8 AM, Monday. Today. In 7 hours. I'm screwed.

I don't understand why I have had such an adverse reaction to this material. I don't understand why I am really just not liking this course, why I have complained all semester about the poor quality of the instruction and thus the style of learning they expect us to perform. I complain it's shallow and detail-oriented, and not taught well fundementally. But if I complain, I should back it up by doing well, since it's shallow learning.

But, I used it as an excuse to be lazy, to justify putting off studying for this course.

Did I mention that I was screwed?

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I am in Christ. I have all His blessings. I now have the ability to put off the old, to die to the old self, and to put on the new. What is the new self? On the theoretical level, it's the self that is confident. It's the self that is humble. It's the self that's fully dependent on God. It's the self that doesn't complain. It's the self that is thankful for every opportunity granted by the Lord. It's the self that is responsible with the resources and time given. It's the self that is interested in God's Heart for those around Him.

Spirit, please renew this fallen mind. Refresh this fallen heart.

Ok, so, I was doing a really long post about today, and it got lost.

Summary:

Tonight's service of thanksgiving for my mom's book publishing went well. People were touched, and credit was given to whom it was due.

"Compliments"

I am not good at receiving compliments. It has to do with the deep roots of sinful tendencies that God has been revealing to me. These roots go back to early childhood; they have grown from this sinful pattern of self-perception. It's going to take some very careful, Gospel-centered introspection for me to uproot these issues and replace them with a God-centered way of viewing the world and living in it.

Ok. This short post doesn't do what I was writing justice, so I'll try to elaborate more on this subject in a later post.