Some articles to read:

Koreans Celebrate 100 Years in America

For Koreans, Changes in Store

Asian-Americans Demand Shaq Apology.

Yet another take on the issue, but this time from a more reputable source :-)

YEAH!!!!

Click here for an Initial D game!

Such a fun cartoon, if you've ever seen it.

FINALLY! SOMEONE NON-ASIAN SAID SOMETHING RIGHT ABOUT SHAQ'S RACIST COMMENTS.

Sadly, it's Bill Walton. Well, he's not so bad, it's just, he stinks at commenary on live games. But at least he was closely on the mark with this following editorial:

Shaq should've thought before he spoke

If you don't know anything about the issue at hand, go to the following link:

Shaq's Apology Not Good Enough

The overall downlplaying of Shaq's comments by the NBA and his team are understandable in that they want to protect their fellow man... but when it comes to him doing something that indicates a deep, culturally ingrained racial bigotry, it shows that their support reflects a similar culturally ingrained racial bigotry. We who have grown up in this country have at least once in our lifetimes had to deal with this sort of crap at least once. I'm pretty mad, but, more sad since our culture at large generally is unable to see the real issues at hand.

"Random Pictures"



I love the dawn, especially when I get to see it in my backyard.



I made this back in junior year. I thought it was cool. I called it "passion"; I made it during Easter time. Different iterations had the pictures separated to have a white cross formed by their spacing. I took this picture of Bono from the cover of "Wide Awake In America" because it seemed to capture the raw passion of the moment, and decided to repeat that image of passion to outline the cross.

I thought it was a cool idea at the time, anyhow.

Something that I was thinking about when reading someone's blog entry was the difference between our hearts and our minds. I believe that the reason it exists is because of the two are inherently different things; it's like comparing apples and oranges. I have thought of a good way to explain the difference and the dichotomy by using the following analogies.

1) Our hearts are like vessels, our minds like the sailors and passengers on these vessels. Learning new things and recalling concepts are like taking on new passengers and taking a survey of their demographic. It is the relatively direct and mechanical tasks of loading on new information and surveying what's in there.

However, changing the heart requires a deeper metamorphosis, because you are changing your personality and tendencies. This concept is similar to changing the actual properties of the vessel. It can happen through external circumstances, like barnacles and water damage eating away at the hull of the ship, or the ship colliding with dangerous obstacles in the sea. And so it is with our hearts: our personalities are shaped by the hurtful things people do to us, or situations that we find ourselves in.

Change can also happen to the actual properties of vessels from the inside, like the sailors neglecting their duty to take care of the vessel, or the sailors adding improvements to different parts of the vessel. And so it is with our hearts: we use the concepts we learn through philosophies, religions, psychiatrists, self-help books, etc. to mold our personalities.

So, that's where the dichotomoy/difference can be understood: our hearts are the vessels, our memories the inhabitants.

Is the analogy making any sense? Try the next one.

2) For you fellow science heads, the difference is analogous to the difference between physical change of matter and chemical change of matter. Physical changes of matter are more at a mechanical level: you can pulverize and chop the object, but the intrinsic properties of the matter are the same. Chemical changes are at the fundemental level: you change the actual chemical makeup of matter when you burn something, when iron rusts, when you bake a cake.

What does this have to do with the mind and the heart? The mind is more physical: it operates to store and compute data, it does things at a more mechanical, computational level. The heart is more chemical: it is the essence of the person, it is more fundamental. So, the mind can store all the data it wants, but that data doesn't necessarily reflect the fundamental essence of the person because it hasn't actually changed any personality. A piece of paper "remembers" you cutting it by staying cut, but it is still a piece of paper. You can fix a bad memory by relearning material, just as you can fix that cut paper with tape.

Contrariwise, the heart can suffer extreme rejection and pain, but the mind cannot grasp why it cannot recover automatically. A piece of paper is changed by a match's flame, and you can't tape it back together to restore it. It would require you to change the chemical makeup of the ashes to restore the piece of paper.

Therefore, learning and knowing something in your mind differs from learning and knowing something in your heart because they have different inherent natures. The first is more "physical," the second more "chemical."

I am coming to realize that I have more in common with Charlie than I ever realized. Well, besides the big bald head; my head is small and hairy.

According to eMode:

"Timothy, you're an Observer!

That means you're one of the more kind-hearted people around. You are unusually intuitive, and you probably understand yourself, as well as others. That also means you're a good mediator — though you may prefer to spend more quiet time on your own than most."

I guess.

"Projection"

One thing I notice about animal lovers —at least, some of them— is that they try to project human qualities on their pets. They coddle, talk to, feed, and even dress these animals up into little humans. Sometimes I would question the sanity of the lengths that people sometimes go, since there's no way an animal can appreciate, on our level, what's being done to them. But, if you think about it, these actions reflect our purpose instated in Genesis: to be the caretakers of the earth.

I notice a similar pattern between parents and children. Parents try to project their ideals and hopes in their children. They send them to church, to camp, to school, to wherever in hopes that their children will grow up to be better than them.

These patterns of humans reflect the situation of God projecting His image onto us. I liken this relationship to be most similar to the relationship between humans and their pets because of the great intellectual distance between the two parties. God puts us through obedience school through all of these different situations in life, in order to discipline us —that is, us that are adopted in Christ— and project His ideals within us. That projection of purpose seems to be the reason why we live this life, I suppose.

"Meltdown"

Have you ever had a brain overload? Like, say, have you found yourself inunundated with mounds of useless information until everything numbs over and you blankly read/stare/watch/listen with glazed eyes and sedentary body?

You see yourself doing the same things, reading the same stuff, watching the same junk, and yet you can't do anything to stop. You feel removed, as if you're watching a bizarre copy of yourself doing everything... and you yell and scream, but nothing happens. "Wake up," you bellow, "and get a move on! Do something, just do it!"

But your body just sits there, tapping away on the remote, on the keyboard, on the mouse.

Broken, tired, your mind gives up hope. The body keeps staring, watching, reading, listening. You feel the exhaustion, but your body won't rise to go to bed. It just drifts away, as you stand with the ropeless lifesaver.

So, you plunge into the waters to save it. You busy yourself with trips to escape your environment, organizing events, doing schoolwork, meticulously involving yourself with projects. But all this splashing hasn't brought you any closer to your drifting self. You cry out for help, but no one wants to contribute a rope long enough to pull your body in. Instead, you hear shouts of instruction: "Swim this way!" "You're not asking for help enough!" "You're depending on yourself too much!" "You have to..." "Just do this..." But no one actually ties the rope to your ropeless lifesaver and throws it out.

You wait in the water, by the dock, as you see your body float away.

Your mind is gone. You've experienced a meltdown. You repeatedly hear the same advice. You see your despicable situation. You are tired of feeling sorry for yourself. You want to live life again... but that missing link is still missing. You can't figure out why you're stuck. And even when you hear the answers, you still stay in the same cage.

You don't know what to do anymore.

In relation to my last post, here are my actions and symptoms:

— Intermittent, if any, real conversations with God. More specifically, less praying, less reading His Word.

— Selfish, malicious tendencies are either developing or unearthing themselves. I cannot tell if these are bad things that are growing into my personality, or bad things that laid dormant in my personality. Things like, a growing disregard for other people's well-being and feelings, putting others down for my humor, listening to negative thoughts and feelings.

— Laziness, increased indulgence in unhealthy habits like TV, video games, etc.

— Growing disinterest in church matters, in friends, in anything. Decreased pleasure from hobbies.

— Lack of motivation to do work, to take care of "mundane" details of life.

Is this phase "the dark period" that everyone tells me happens during the first post-undergraduate years? Why have I been caught in this state? I do not know. I have learned in the past that it is imperative to retain my grip on the Gospel, to escape excessive passive acceptance of my feelings. I have learned that God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied with everything that He is, that He promised, and that He has done.

The thing is, I have become so self-centered and mired in patterns of self-centered patterns, it has been very difficult for my heart to be sensitive and responsive to Him. I have never felt so lost. I have nothing of my own to grab on to anymore. True, I am never beyond the reach of His Grace, but somehow, that phrase doesn't comfort me, because my heart doesn't understand it. I see myself reverting to the spiritual state that I found myself in during sophomore year of high school.

I get all serious about this state I'm in, and ask God to rescue me, to strengthen me to change, to give me the power to say "No" to myself.

But, the next day, I fall back into the same pit.

I will keep my head on that piece of sky i see up there, but it still sucks. I don't know how to fight myself anymore.

"Sinking"

Have you ever felt like you were sinking? I feel like I'm sinking all the time these days. It's not just feelings, but as well my actions seem to point that way too.

It seems like these times were meant to transform the things I know in my mind into things I know into my heart. How could I complain? I've been living a life of absolute bliss, in terms of humanistic standards.

I just can't seem to escape this pit. I thought last week was a good time to rejuvenate me, but here I am, pulled by and doing the exact same things.

"The Sting"

You asked me questions;
I spoke the smoking gun
And fell into your net.
Pardon me, as I dig my own grave.

****

"Insomniac"

Late to rise, late to sleep
In front of screens
I try not to weep.

Aching back, I drop the remote
I sigh to keep my mind afloat.

The air conditioner, a grim parishioner
Coughs into its drawn out sermon,
My only companion in this upholstered pew.

"How Do You Decide Who To Marry?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan - age 10"

"Pomp and Flatulence"

When I was getting a ride to Penn Station yesterday, I smelled the acrid odor of human flatulence in the air. I tried to stifle my laughter. Who did it? It wasn't me. There were two other people in the car. We were in the middle of a conversation when I first smelled it. I was going to comment, but it didn't seem right. I really was trying my hardest not to laugh. I have a feeling the girl did it, because the guy in front of me acted like nothing happened. I started to think that maybe I was imagining things... until the girl opened the window on her side. Hm. Maybe the guy did it. HAHAHAHA. Oh man, that was SO funny. I don't know about the other two, but I sure felt, I mean, smelled the tension in the air. HAHAHA. Ok, one of you two will have to confess who did it.

HAHAHA.

Today's dinner for Dee was a wonderful night of meeting new people and getting to further know the ones I've had the pleasure to meet over the course of this past semester. It was also very important time for me; this week as a whole was a very important time for me. It's been very eye-opening to see how selfish I was, how selfish I am, and how selfish I have become. I have become so self-oriented, caught in a vicious cycle of feelings, inaction, and excuses.

During college, I saw people that had become "vegetables," and I looked down upon them. I couldn't understand how anyone could be so lazy, just eating junk food, playing video games, and watching TV. I felt that it was despicable, unmotivated, and ultimately useless. Then, I saw myself gradually become that person for the past year and a half. What happened? I thought. I do know this one thing: it has taught me not to judge or look down on others as much anymore. We read stories about people doing despicable and crazy things. We condemn them. We watch movies, listen to music, read books, and verbally rip them apart without having done things like them ourselves. We see people in deadend jobs, homeless walking the streets, and instantly form our opinions.

How do we learn how to give grace to those we come into contact from day to day? I think a key element is to fight that human impulse to categorize people we meet. We always try to fit people into this predetermined box/category in our minds, and treat them accordingly. This tendency is dangerous, and it causes a lot of tension, doesn't it? We create unreasonable expectations too much, and give grace too little.

Ok, I can't find a way to conclude this, so I'll end here.

IT CAME!

After I got back from Dee's birthday dinner, I saw the tiny cardboard BMG box sitting on my coffee table.

Inside:

CHARLIE BROWN'S HOLIDAY HITS!!!!!

I think of all of my favorite childhood cartoons/comics, I always resonated most with Charlie Brown. I loved the cartoons, the comics... the music. This CD is already going to be one of my most treasured, I just know it.

I remember my mother taking me on weekly local library trips. The first thing I always would do is run over to the stacks that had the Peanuts comics collections. I would pull the book out, and sit down for at least an hour or two to finish reading the one I had picked.

I remember always getting excited to watch the Charlie Brown specials, the Christmas one being my most favorite.

I remember trying to plunk out the theme song, "Linus and Lucy", out on the piano.

Thank you, Charles Schulz, for the timeless world that you created. Thank you, Vince Guaraldi, for these timeless musical masterpieces.