When are the conditions ever going to be the way that we want? We give excuses for undesired things done or felt because we demand a condition to be met. We want the best gadgets, the best cars, etc.

Are extra features worth the extra money? Is life worth spent earning cash so that you can get that extra luxury? Will life really be better after you get it? Are you going to be happier if you got the sleep that you wanted, the more vacation, the future spouse, the vacation home, the latest video card, the next CD?

Scientists know what they are talking about, but they don't know what they're talking about.

"Eh? Care to explain this one, Tim?"

Ok, I will.

Let me just preface with this statement: science takes a lot of intelligence, perserverance, and creativity. It is very hard to do, let alone do well. Science is not just a collection of facts and figures, but as well it is a highly developed construct of ideals and philosophies to plausibly understand how the world works. So I'm not dissing science, or scientists (seeing as I'm studying to be one myself).

It saddens me, though, that the general public seems to view science and the scientists of the present day in the same way that people in the past viewed magicians and religious figureheads. I get that notion from the way people generally reason that science is about "cold and hard facts", that "reason is above belief", etc. etc. Because it takes a certain type of intellect to understand and do well in science, people view those who do it well as the end-all authorities on their subjects.

What they, and scientists fail to understand, is that science is still nothing more than a highly developed construct of ideals and philosophies created by man. Albeit powerful, they are still merely what they are: descriptions and predictions and representations of reality, not reality itself. When you boil everything down, you'll find that everything starts with assumptions. To believe these assumptions to be comprehensive and true takes a bit of FAITH, and henceforth comes a main point: every person cannot be "fully rational" to the tee, because there is always a point where you can only have faith to say something is real.

Man can only manipulate and create images of reality; man cannot create reality itself. And herein lies a really interesting truth, that we who are made in the image of God can only create images and manipulations.

Anyhow, so there you have it. Scientists know what they're talking about, but they don't really know what they're talking about.

Question to myself and to all who come across this page:

Do you honestly care about anything but yourself and your own personal glory/reputation? Deep down, are you man-centered, or God-centered with the reasons why you do things? In other words, are you on a constant quest to make yourself look better in front of others and yourself? Do you even care about God's reputation among others and yourself?

"At Your Mercy"

I have always known in my mind and emotions, but only have recently learned in my heart that I am totally at His mercy. I have learned that we are totally at His mercy. I have learned that reality is totally at God's mercy.

For the past year, after learning wonderful truths in college about "salvation by God's grace alone, through faith" and "sanctification by God's grace alone" God decided to show me that it really is by His grace alone. He showed me that "no one is righteous, not even one," including myself, especially myself. My heart being the rocky and thorny soils, I quickly soaked in these ideals, but as soon as trials came because of these ideals, and as soon as the worries of the world crowded in, I withered. I crumbled, retreating into myself, as if I hadn't heard the liberating news of the Gospel to begin with. The great things of God didn't get me excited anymore.

I turned to TV, video games, the Internet, etc. to pass the time. I shunned my responsibilities. I saw the weak characteristics that I had grown up seeing: a terribly weak will, hypersensitivity to my emotional and physical feelings and desires. Now that I think of it, my weak will stems from being hypersenstivity to my emotional and physical feelings, but that is a differen't topic.

Essentially, when left alone with all the time in the world and the means to do whatever I want, I spent that time doing things that ultimately served myself, for my personal glory. And that's when I realized the reality of my situation: it really is Christ, it really is the Holy Spirit that gives me the desire to know God, because when left alone, I turn away from Him to exalt myself. I am starting to see the truth of inherited sin: it is ingrained in my very fibers to take care of myself, to love myself, to make much of myself.

God, I really am at Your mercy. I don't even know the depths of this phrase enough, but this taste has already shown my heart that more than ever. I previously responded emotionally and passionately with my mind, but now I respond with a note of defeat and surrender. All of my responsibilities, all the people that are affected by me, all of my surroundings are at Your mercy. We are all at Your mercy, God, and that frightens me. I am out of control of the situation of reality, for You alone are in control.

God, I am at Your mercy, and I fear. I fear that You will let me keep messing up and turning to myself in my sin so that I can glorify You by being punished for my sin, rather than glorify You by praising You in Your Presence. I am shaken to the core...

I dreamt of this strip mall type shopping center with an ATM near the sports section. I was looking for an ATM because I had received a very large sum of money in cash and wanted to deposit it instead of walking around with it. I came across this girl named ***** Park (not Jamie, or Lee) that I had once met many a year ago, and we started to flirt while looking for the ATM. We got to the door, but the security guards wouldn't let us in due to closing time. However, this worker came up from behind us that apparently knew the girl, and let us in.

"Just for you, because you're with that guy," the guard stated. "Go straight, make a left, and you'll see an ATM." Following his directions, I saw two: one on a far wall, and one at the exit. I sat down at the table near the exit and started to count the money.

When I started to organize the bills, I found myself pulling a lot of other things from my bag and pockets to organize. Korean bootleg VCDs and Magic the Gathering cards given to me along with the salary I was counting, as well as some books. I was thinking to myself, With all this money, I realize I could just spend it. I should just put it in savings and not be spoiled by the excess. The girl, the worker that let us in, and other people were standing behind me in front of the exit doors. For some reason, Patrick Stewart also showed up, as well as the security guard, and some stray cats from a previous plotline from which I dreamshifted. I dropped something on the floor and bent to pick it up. When I got up, a large sum of cash was gone, and I realized that someone in the group of people around me took it.

"Who took my money?"

The guard took out a gun, and with a wry smile replied, "You're such an idiot. You expect us to watch you count all that cash and not do anything about it?" Panicked, I turned around and saw that everyone had gone outside and was holding the door closed. I turned around, and sat back down.

The guard aimed the gun pointblank at me, and pulled the trigger. I found myself thinking, How could I be so stupid and count all this money in public? I should have gone home and done it first. My head hit the table, and in my fading consciousness, I heard Patrick Stewart behind me, exclaiming, "Ok, he's down. Let's get the rest!"

It was at that moment in which I woke up. I felt more tired than when I had gone to sleep last night.

What a strange dream/nightmare.

Saw the following quote on my friend's site and found myself thinking about it all night:

"How do you reach a generation that listens with its eyes and thinks with its feelings?"

— Ravi Zacharias

...that generation being us. Read the rest of the quote for contextual understanding on my friend's site.

"Dreaming Up Reality"

I was browsing through my friends' blogs and came across an entry that echoed what I have been going through in my life, and so here are my two cents.

I have, as well, always been a dreamer and idealist of the worst kind. I guess what I mean by "worst kind" is that I never really had the real discipline and drive to pursue them: I am the epitome of what it means to be to be a lazy dreamer and idealist. However, there are some dreams that I have still pursue: playing guitar and becoming a good musician.

Regarding the laziness, a lot of it stemmed from dashed hopes as a result of trying to reconcile perceived reality with the imaginary reality I hoped for within my ideals. These days have become particularly difficult due to this dreamer believing a particularly negative perspective of what reality is: I kept seeing my limitations, my past failures, and whatnot as the definitive indications of reality. However, dreams and ideals are what create new realities and see the present ones in a healthier light: they see growth, change, direction, focus, life in things that "realists" say are indicative of the opposite. Where these negative "realist" thoughts see failure and frustration, dreams and ideals see opportunity for growth.

After learning those lessons, however, I found a deeper issue at stake: man-centered vs. God-centered dreams. What are the chief end of my ideals: are they to make a great deal out of me, or to make a great deal out of God? I realized that their chief end were to make a great deal out of me: garnering praise for the good, innovative, genre-breaking works that I would produce, and becoming celebrated for my talents. Therefore, I asked God to give me God-centered dreams.

Little did I realize that He would answer my prayers by dashing all my hopes in myself, by showing me how hopeless I really am on my own, and how I could be so lazy, self-centered, and unmotivated. And even when I did reach some of my dreams and my ideals, I found myself asking, "what next?" repeatedly to myself, and I lost all motivation. Through "success" and "failure" in these means, I found real failure to be at the end of either road, just as Solomon and so many other wise men have said.

So here I am, a dreamer without dreams, an idealist with no more ideas, an entrepeneur without vision. I have been devoid and am wondering... what next, God? How do I generally develop a passion for dreams and ideals that make much of you instead of me?

"Perspective"

A good friend of mine from college came and hung out with me today. It was really good to see him; we went out to eat, then bought supplies for the project for that evening: setting up the surround sound speakers.

It was cool, and they went up ok, but later that evening I realized that my left rear speaker wasn't working. Frustrated, I tried out the other speakers with other wires, and realized that that one port wasn't outputting anything. I don't know why...

Anyhow, we had good discussions about things, including the all-important necessity of having a good perspective. I found myself saying the same complaints and frustrations to him as I have to anyone else recently.

Later that evening, we did another recording of one of his songs. Rather, I did the recording, he did the guitar playing and singing. I've churned out some preliminary mixdowns, but it will be a work in progress to get things just right.

****

One of the things that God reminded me today was the reality that I am totally at His mercy. I cannot rest on the way I feel, the way I live, or on anything else of me for my salvation, for my pursuit of holiness... for my passion to know Him and make Him known. When left on my own, I am so inclined to gravitate away the Creator towards myself. It is totally His grace that can ever bring me to love and obey Him. Found in Christ and won by Christ's finished work on the cross, it is God's strength and will alone that enables me to live life.

I am too flawed, too imperfect, too wrong in every respect to ever have the privilege of knowing Him on my terms... God, I am at your mercy alone.

"Unbelievable"

“All of North Korea is a gulag,” said one senior U.S. official, noting that as many as 2 million people have died of starvation while Kim has amassed the world’s largest collection of Daffy Duck cartoons.

from Death, terror in N. Korea gulag, MSNBC news

That statement is one of the most oddest, disarming, and incomprehensible statements I have ever read. It sounds like something out of a satirical novel.

"If someone is against socialism, if someone tries to escape from prison, then kill him,” Ahn said."

Socialism/communism... I hardly think the founders of these ideologies had in mind what far-fetched interpretations and mutations their theories would undergo... to progress to that point. For the people? Equality? Shared resources?


"Women, Wine and Weapons:
Kim’s a strange movie buff who loves the gory ‘Friday the 13th’ teen-slasher flicks. He also stars in his own real-life horror show..."

Click here for the article.

Please pray, if you have any heart for the glory of God, any passion for His love for His people. This nation needs the Gospel, it needs life...