My school is shutting down my email server for a good chunk of next week. It is also this page's webserver, so it may not work for a while. You have been forewarned ;-)

"Fail"

I failed my third exam: 56/100, no curve, mostly due to STUPID mistakes.

Well, I'm not depressed, just wisened up to the reality of my situation.

"Fat Lines"

So, I was stepping into the shower when I happened to glance into the mirror today, and lo and behold, I saw some things on my abdomen which I had never before seen.

Yes, yes, I saw multiple instances of the title of this entry. How depressing... what the heck? Since when did I have these creases? AUGH! Clearly, this sedentary life-style I've led for the past year is coming back to nip me in the... stomach. God, now, I know You were telling me I really have to change. Now I'm starting to see that it's a whole change in lifestyle. Give me the motivation, dedication, perserverance to stick it through... Lord, it's only You that can move me to be different in a good, healthy, joyful way.

I just read two long opinions from CCFCers Roger and "choemomma," and laughed because they presented their different views in a similar way. They both started off with disclaimers... however, the second one was a LOT longer.

Why do people hate Bush so much? I think it's because they hate the image portrayed by the media of him being dim-witted and narrowminded. However, he's a real person, like you and me. And complain all you want, but he's established in his position, and he has so many tough issues to tackle. We complain about all the craziness we deal with in our lives... well, take those issues, and magnify them a millionfold, and you have a sense of Bush LITERALLY having the pressure of the world on his shoulders. Brothers and sisters in Christ, let's pray for his wisdom in dealing with everything, instead of criticizing and forming ideas that are nowhere near fully informed of the situation. I'm not a Bush lover or hater, but just from the practical point of view, the best thing we can do is pray for the guy. He's praying for us, let's return the favor.

Now, as for my opinion on the war, I won't say it. Ok, good night.

Lots of lessons flying by, but I wonder if I'm really learning. I wonder if I'm really changed, or simply developing a legalistic habit of memorizing theological statements.

God, change me. Change me not just because of my poor test grades or the bad fruit I see in my life, but change me because...

Wow, I'm even more self-centered than I realized.

I have a lot more to go....

"The Gospel changes people from the inside out. Christ gives us a radically new identity, freeing us from both self-righteousness and self-condemnation. He liberates us to accept people we once excluded, and to break the bondage of things (even good things) that once drove us. In particular, the gospel makes us welcoming and respectful toward those who do not share our beliefs."

I love Redeemer Presbyterian Church's core values. Click here to read them and listen to related sermons.

"What I Learned In College"

I think one of the most important things i learned in college was an almost post-modern one: be slow to form my opinions, because I mostly likely don't know the full truth of the situation. I guess it's an application of that old Greek (or was it Chinese) proverb that those who say they know usually don't. When you learn more about the world, you realize that there's always another angle from which you can see something.

Yeah. Nothing new here.

Note to self:

"Unlike many groups that form during their members' period of higher education, Interpol didn't get together in order to gain admittance into bars or score girls. They've always held much more ambitious aspirations.

"It was a pretty passionate thing from the beginning," Kessler said. "I don't think any of us would do a musical project without putting some serious effort and consideration into it. It was never like, 'Oh, let's go jam.' It was always about doing something beyond goals of writing songs and playing better. Ultimately, as far as the effort put into the songwriting, it was always very serious and with a specific purpose."" from MTV News.

Remind Joe about what we're doing, and let's go do it.

"Thoughts During My Morning Shower"

For some reason, the memory hit me of one of my biggest fears as young child: loud noises. The vacuum cleaner's whine induced a deep panic that led me to run to the couch and bury my head under the cushions to drown out the noise. Rather, I remember when we had our old couches, we had these 1.5' by 1.5' seat mats that went on each individual couch cushion. They were about an inch thick and had these ornate embroidered patterns of Asian swans and plants. It was always my proud task to keep them neatly in place on the cushions. It was under these things which I hid my head.

Furthermore, when my mom took me to the supermarket in Flushing, the loud forklifts similarly drove me to fear. I nestled my head in my mom's coat to block away the noise, sometimes crying during the ordeal. I wonder if my mom remembers me doing that.

****

Thinking about those seat mats made me recall another memory. Sometimes, when I was five years old, I wanted to play a joke and scare whomever walked into the living room. I would lay on the couch and place the seat mats on top of me, so that people wouldn't notice I was there. When they came to sit down, I figured that I would pop out and scare the living daylights out of them. However, I didn't have the foresight to realize that when people were making the motion to sit down, there wasn't much time for me to get up and out of their way to do my deed. As a result, on the first try, my mom came into the room and was about to sit down, but I didn't hear her. Next thing I know, I felt a suffocating weight on my face and I squirmed and pushed out of panic. I scared my mom all right, but it scared me more than her. You'd think I would have learned from that, but I figured that I didn't do it right that time, and kept trying again. No one sat on me again, only because no one happened to come in whenever I hid.

It's funny what memories come up while taking a hot shower first thing in the morning.

"Mr. Incident"

I dreamt last night that I was at the Oscars at the Roxy in NY, and they were doing a big Broadway spectacular due to the recent success of 'Chicago.' Incidentally, for some reason I was at the awards show because I had starred in another movie that was going to win an award, and I was to do a song with this one guy. I walked over to the side entrance hallway, but the door banged noisily, much to the consternation of those running the show and the audience nearby.

Thinking about the impending performance made my heart pump faster, my hands quiver. I tried to sit down and concentrate, but I couldn't. The person with whom I was to perform was in the hallway as well. He was a middle-aged black man with a scraggly beard and white hair. He was tapping in time to a quiet song coming from his lips, his eyes closed in reverie. I walked over and sat beside him, closed my eyes, and let his soft, raspy voice sooth the anxiety.

"In 'Lieu', a Tribute"



This post is dedicated to one of my favorite brothers that I had the pleasure to know during my undergrad years at Hopkins. Now, I normally don't like to play favorites, but when it's James Lieu, you can't go wrong. He's a dedicated follower of Christ. He's one of the nicest guys you can ever meet. He's humble (relatively), caring, friendly, and dedicated to whatever cause he's involved in. He has the biggest collection of sneakers that a guy could ever have... a collection that matches if not exceeds the many pairs that most girls have. He's chill, and always in a good mood. Darnit, even when he's in a bad mood, he's in a good mood. How do you do it, man?

Girls, I don't know how you don't go crazy-go-nuts —thanks for the lingo, Strong Bad— over this hottie. Besides admiring the quality traits thus listed so far, you must hear him sing. He doesn't just sing, mind you... he grips the mike, he stamps his feet, he clenches his fist, he puts everything into the microphone. He sings well, very well, and if you were his love, he'll get down on his knees and melt your heart with his buttery vocals.

James, I can't wait to hang out with you and the rest of the JHU crew again in a week and a half. I can't believe you're graduating, bro; what will JHU do without Lieu?

I really am a product of God's continual provision, namely because He always reminds me that He's having people pray for me and encourage me. He's authored my life to this point, and I wonder why I forget that message so quickly, in good or bad times.

God, remind me every day about the message of the Gospel.

****

Due to the request of a reader, I will post another song from the Vineyard UK "Holy" CD. I hope this song will convince you to buy this cd. Click here to download.

Another song to download: "I Have Been Redeemed." Click here to download, it is the second link. God has been ministering to me right now with this song. It is straightforward, it has no hidden message. It is what it is. It is the sweetest, most imporant thing I can I ever sing about.

Oh, God! Let me live my life, make my decisions, and find my only security in the Gospel. God, please let me see the deep truths embedded here... I need them now more than ever.

"Thank you, Lord, for the price you paid. Now, broken hearts can sing of Your great love. Friends of God, this is what we have become..." from the song "What a Love," from the album Holy by Vineyard UK.

****

I have seen the trend in which people start depending too much on the computer to communicate, me included. I am making the effort to change that: I try to call people more now, instead of going on the net to chat and read/comment on blogs. Thanks to free long distance in nights and weekends, it's economically feasible. I have no excuse.

****

I have been struggling with habitual sins, such as lust, lack of motivation/laziness, etc. Not for the sake of being a goody-two-shoes, but because they really are not worth giving into. Interesting story: last Friday, my mom dreamed that I was engaging in some pretty bad stuff, and that I was tired and worried. So she called the next morning, and it's funny that she dreamed about what's been on my heart, when I've never even told her. Moms seem to have that mental connection.

****

God, have mercy. Let me truly know the depth of Your message of the cross.

Again, the posts are not going up. Go figure.

****

Been studying a lot this past weekend. It's been good, mental connections have been forming. I love it when I really start to learn new things, new tools to understand how the world works. Getting to this point is really difficult for me to do, but once I'm here, it's definitely worth it.

The only problem is getting to this point. It really takes a lot and most of the time I don't have the discipline to get to this point. I hope I can consistently stay at this point, so that I can truly learn the subjects I'm studying.