I still haven't gotten my resume together. I spent most of my time this week cleaning my little brother's room —yes, it's THAT messy— in order to set up a computer network from my mom and brother.

I have been unable to apply to jobs yet, though I set out to do that a month ago. Man, this soul-searching stuff is hard. I have gotten leads from some past references to possible places to apply, but nothing yet. All you readers out there, take note: if you know anyone in the greater New York metro area looking for someone to work for them, please let me know. I would mucho appreciate it.

Man, I need a haircut. I've been unintentionally growing it out because I haven't really had a chance to go to a barber yet.

"If the whole [human] race instinctively understands anything, it is suffering, sin, and love; and these three spell out plainly all the message of the cross...

The appeal is felt at each stage of life. In youth suffering numbs; in manhood it can embitter; in age it may despair. In youth sin frightens; in manhood it enslaves; in age it takes revenge. In youth the want of love confuses; in manhood it makes cynical; in age it crushes utterly. But youth, manhood, age find answer in the message of the cross.

Suffering, sin and love is the ABC of the world's long story, the theme of all great literature, subject of all great painting, key to all great music. This is the real eternal triangle, and at its apex stands the cross of Jesus. For there He suffered as none has ever suffered, to show the suffering of God for a world astray; He bore sin as none other ever could, to bring men back to God; He loved as none has ever loved, to show the love of God."

— Reginald White, from "Beneath the Cross of Jesus"

"but those old obsessive tendencies don't want to leave" - last entry

If you fast and don't replace the reclaimed time and energy with an ardent pursuit of God, the fast will be in vain and a mere exercise in humanistic ascetism. Case in point, I haven't spent the free time that I've had entrenched and focused in delighting in God's Word or prayer, but in fixing my mom's computer, reading Rudyard Kipling's "The Jungle Book," reading plot summaries of the old childhood favorite Sega RPG series Phantasy Star, and cleaning my parents' house.

****

Oh, and about this career/job search? Phht. Nada so far, but I must keep looking. I've calculated that with my remainder checks for the school year and my current bank reserve, thanks to God's grace I'll have enough funding to support my fixed living costs of food, utilities, and rent until the end of August, with roughly $1000 left over. What will I do with that $1000? It may seem like a lot, but that's about $250 a month for transportation, living supplies, missions support, etc. I have no idea exactly how I should handle it, and so I'm praying for God to give me wisdom in handling it.

I'm thinking about making a new website that will be geared towards my job search. We'll see what pans out. Things I must do over the next couple of days, weeks, and months:

Follow up on and research job opening leads
Rewrite Resume
Possibly make website for resume, self-promotion, etc :-P
Restructure my parents' room arrangement to maximize usage of space
Guide my little brother in his college search, and teach him how to study better
Pray like I've never prayed before

"Sin and the One Ring"

It hit me today that Tolkien's description of the One Ring's effect on everyone is exactly the effect that sin has upon people. If people wonder how others can get so hooked on things or romantic objects to the point of lost control, they should understand the mentality of Gollum. It starts with a tiny desire in the back of mind that whispers its usefulness to the victim. Many times it's so subtle that the desire is instantly accepted and unchallenged, and so it goes and grows unchecked. The mind slowly warps its inclinations and energies into depending upon that internal desire for escape from the droll feelings that life induces. Soon, the pretty little ring, the cute girl, the fancy car, the allure of money, and the hot stereo cross from the realm of neutral to "my precious."

How do we fight it from happening, and how do we defeat it when it has happened already?

Christ alone has the ability to set us free from these things, and the Holy Spirit alone can assuage those droll feelings of life with a deep and satisfaction in knowing Christ. It is quite a difficult point to reach, but if you trust and firmly believe God loves you, He will bring you there. I'm trying to come and know these things in my heart, but those old obsessive tendencies don't want to leave. This journey will be long and arduous, but it must be taken. I want to live, you know?

HOLY MOLY!

Blogger is actually SUCCESSFULLY posting on my server right now. This rare occasion must be milked for all it is worth. Come on, Tim, think of something good to say... think of something good....

ARRGGH! I can't think of anything good to say!

Just in case if you were all wondering about my comments that matched every single entry, I had to manually insert the same comment thread for my entries, since Blogger would not publish. Now that Blogger is successfully publishing in this rare window of time, the true comment threads match their respective entries, instead of all of the comment threads belonging to an old entry.

Dangit, that still wasn't much to say. Oh well.